Lunch was placed in the Hanbi Hall, which was facing towards the Taiye Pond. At this time, new lotus flowers were blooming in the pond. The delicate, yellow lotus leaves were the size of a palm and floated on the glass-like surface of the pond, like the golden dimples on a beauty's cheeks, moving with the wind and waves, as if the dimples were only faintly visible.
I couldn't help but mention about the past, "When Chaoyang invited us to come to the palace to play, several of us sneaked into the Taiye Pool to row, but no one knew how to row a boat. The boat drifted to the middle of the pond and kept circling in the water, but I couldn't move it. Later, an eunuch, who was in charge of the place, had found out and sent a boat to come and row our boat back. I was really worried about being scolded at that time."
The sunlight was shining brightly and the curtain was drawn on the upper floor. The gleaming reflection of waves had shone through the bottom of the curtain, which made Yuan Shan’s face look like white jade. Her eyes reflected the waves of light, like a shining black jewel, but once her eyes turned, it seemed that the pair of bright eyes darkened again, although her tone of voice was still very calm, "Thinking about it, this was ten years ago."
At that time, we were still young and did not understand the size of the world. Apparently, this world would have so many worries.
I asked, "How about we steal some cherries?"
Yuan Shan was stunned, looking at me who was excited. I said, "The biggest cherry tree in the imperial garden is still there."
Hearing me say this, Yuan Shan covered her mouth and laughed. Before, when it became late spring, we always picked cherries. Although people in the palace were bestowed with cherries every year, those cherries were not as sweet as the ones I have stolen. Thinking about this would always make me feel very happy. I was thinking of ordering someone to bring me some clothes to change into before going to climb some trees. Suddenly, I heard someone whisper outside the curtain. It seemed as though Yao Niang was talking to someone.
I asked, "Who's outside?"
Seeing that she couldn't hide this, she could only come out of the curtain and tell me, "His Majesty has sent people here."
I was stunned and said, "Let him in."
A'Mu had sent an eunuch here, who was holding a gold plate filled with the freshest cherries. The eunuch said respectfully, "His Majesty just saw that these cherries were ready to be picked, so he picked some and ordered me to bring these to Your Highness."
I looked at the plate of big red cherries and sighed. The eunuch saw that I was unhappy, so he hurriedly took a big step forward and said, "His Majesty also said that today, Your Highness is meeting an old friend, so it is inevitable that you wanted to show off your old skills, but Your Highness should not climb trees again!"
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as it was so embarrassing. Yuan Shan naturally heard it, but her gaze was blank as if she didn't hear anything. I could only give up the idea of stealing cherries. I shared the cherries with Yuan Shan and ordered someone to bring some yogurt.
The cherries were very sweet, but I was thinking of something else and only ate absentmindedly. Did A'Mu sent this plate of cherries for me to eat, or were they for Yuan Shan?
Usually I would eat a lot of cherries, but today I didn't eat that much, maybe because the yogurt with cherries were too cold and so was the wind upstairs. During the evening I had a stomach ache, and I couldn't even have dinner. An imperial doctor was sent here. After drinking two bowls of bitter medicine, I fell asleep on the table.
I don't know how long I had slept, but I woke up when I felt someone gently lifting up my hair. As the night was getting dark, there was a candle lit up near the curtain. The shadow of the candle was flickering. I saw A'Mu's face and he was only wearing a robe. At this time, he held onto me with his arm and asked, "How are you feeling? Do you want to drink some hot water?"
"What time is it right now?"
A'Mu wanted to order someone to go and check, but I stopped him and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I heard you caught a cold, so I came to check on you."
I leaned my head on his arm, which made me feel at ease. The night wind was quiet and occasionally, I could hear the sound of the soldiers' armor. I quietly asked him, "Do you still like Shan Niang?"
After a long time, he said, "Why are you thinking about this?"
"Shan Niang's favorite food is cherries."
These were things from the past. Yuan Shan always acted more steady than I did. Chaoyang and I would always cause trouble, while Yuan Shan always tried to dissuade us. The only time she had caused trouble with us was when we stole cherries.
It's stealing, but actually, it was really just picking cherries. However, Chaoyang had asthma and everyone in the palace was always worried about her illness and the moments when she would wear less clothing. It was like facing a big enemy when encountering Ah Jian, the palace maid. Chaoyang didn't like that many people surrounding her and trying to protect her, so on that day, we snuck into the cherry garden with Yuan Shan to pick some cherries while leaving all the servants behind.
Cherry trees are carefully pruned for easy picking. We easily climbed up the tree and saw all the cherries that were very red, like countless coral beads hanging under the leaves. I sat on the tree picking and eating the cherries at the same time, and then handed over some of the cherries to Yuan Shan, who was at the bottom of the tree. Chaoyang was so brave that she climbed higher than me. The branches and leaves were clustered together, so I could only see her silk cloak swaying within the tree branches. She had tucked the end of her skirt in her belt and stood on her tiptoes, trying to reach the biggest and reddest cherries.
"Be careful!" Yuan Shan raised her head.
"Come up, Shan Niang!" Chaoyang picked that bunch of cherries and turned around, climbing the tree with one hand while holding the cherries with her other hand while teasing Yuan Shan.
I also couldn't stop teasing Shan Niang as well, but she didn't dare to climb up the tree. She just lifted up her skirt with a smile, "You throw it down and I'll catch it!"
Chaoyang and I exchanged gazes, quickly picked the cherries and then threw them down the tree.
Yuan Shan was hit by numerous cherries, which made her feel dizzy. She laughed while trying to dodge the cherries. Finally she could not help but tuck in her skirt and climb up the tree. "Such good fruits, and you are ruining it like this. I will drag you all down!"
Chaoyang and I were laughing while looking at a even higher place to climb. At this time, Chaoyang shouted, "Oh, no, it's not good! Palm fan, I can see the palm fan! Father must be coming here!"
I was fine, but Yuan Shan was flustered. I didn't know how she slipped while Chaoyang and I cried out in the silence. Yuan Shan had no time to react and could only grab some tree branches. She was about to fall on the ground. Suddenly, someone rushed out and grabbed her waist, catching her gently and skillfully.
I bent down, but I was only able to see Yuan Shan's skirt being blown by the wind, like a beautiful blooming flower. The man's arms seemed to be embracing that delicate flower, holding her in his arms. Yuan Shan was blushing and appeared very shy. The sunlight cast a clear shadow through the tree branches of the cherry tree. I saw her drooping eyes, and her thick long eyelashes cast a faint shadow under the sunlight, which resembled a frightened butterfly. I never noticed that her eyelashes were that long.
A'Mu placed Yuan Shan down. I saw the high palm fan; it was His Majesty who had came.
I climbed down the tree in great confusion.
Although His Majesty dotes on Chaoyang, he was always very serious. Yuan Shan and I were very afraid of him, especially now that we are in trouble again. Yuan Shan and I bowed to pay respect and only Chaoyang still sat on the tree as if nothing had happened, calling out, "Father."
"Who taught you to climb trees?" His Majesty's voice was plain and indifferent, but both Yuan Shan and I could hear the reproach in his voice. I saw her skirt trembling slightly when I glanced at her. His Majesty was a moody person and harsh to his officials. No one in the palace was not afraid of him.
Only Chaoyang had no fear as she said with a smile, "It was my older brother who had taught me to climb trees!"
"That was when you were young; you shouldn't climb trees now that you have grown up." A'Mu gave her a warning glare: "You are still not coming down?"
Chaoyang cutely said, "I also want to jump down, brother catch me."
"Nonsense," A'Mu said. "What if I can't catch you?"
"Brother is so biased!" Chaoyang pouted, "Brother is grown up and knows how to like beautiful ladies now, catching Shan Niang but not me."
Yuan Shan blushed, even A'Mu's face seemed to have turned red. I looked at A'Mu and Yuan Shan. They were standing under the cherry tree; one had a slender body, while the other was as graceful as a butterfly. They looked like a matching couple.
From then on, I knew that A'Mu liked Yuan Shan.
It was a pity that the late Emperor did not fulfill their wish.
"Everyone has regrets, even the Emperor."
A'Mu's voice was quiet. When he said this, the shadow of the candle was reflected on the side of his face. I could feel the distance between us, but I couldn't reach out to grasp him. I just felt that the night was as cold as water, so I couldn't help pulling up the quilt.
"That's what my father said to me." A'Mu did not look at me, but gazed at the flickering halo on the candlelight. "Before you were bestowed with the title of Crown Princess, Father told me a lot things."
"He said I am the Crown Prince who will become the Emperor in the future. You will have many women in the six palaces, but if you have someone in your heart, then it would be different. If you like someone, then I would advise you to treat her wholeheartedly, and don't hurt her heart. A person's broken heart can not be repaired. If you have her in your heart, but she feels heartbroken, then you will feel the same. At that time, I didn't understand the meaning behind his words. As you know, my father didn't have any favoured concubine, and he had very few concubines. I didn't ask him about his past, but whether a man is sad or not, I could always tell. I asked him what to do if the person in your heart did not like you. But he said nothing can be done. Even if you are the Emperor, if she doesn't like you, you can't do anything about it.”
A'Mu lowered his head. I don't know how I feel at this moment. A'Mu likes Shan Niang, I know it, but I didn't know whether Shan Niang likes A'Mu. If Shan Niang doesn't like A'Mu, then there's really nothing he can do about it.
A'Mu suddenly asked me, "What would you do if someone you like doesn't like you?"
I answered without thinking, "Of course I'll use all methods, such as being naughty, kidnapping, or even pestering him, to make him like me!"
A'Mu was obviously surprised. He turned away and said, "Such childish words."
I could not accept this. A'Mu was older than me by a few years, and because Chaoyang and I were good friends in the past, he would always treat me like a child. Ten years of being a married couple, and he had often acted like he was an older brother rather than a husband.
But he will never know that even children will have their own worries.
I will never tell him what's on my mind.
The curtain was slightly moved by the night wind and the reflection of the candlelight in the water slowly dispersed. I thought of my younger self. The things that happened at the time seemed like it was separated by the whole Taiye Pond, including the faint fragrance of the misty water, the wind, dew of lotus flowers, the bright moonlight, and the crystal curtain being blown by the wind. It was the cherry rolling around at the bottom of the cup and A'Mu's finger that flicked my forehead as he jokingly said, "If you can't get married, then be my Crown Princess, no one will dare to say bad things to you."
At that time, I was only thinking of refuting A'Mu in a loud voice, "Who said I couldn't get married? I will marry a handsome young man like Han Zhi!"
In the end, I was married to A’Mu. No one laughed at me again and only I was laughing at myself.
"It's late at night, go to sleep,” A’Mu said softly, patting me on the back. I lay back on the pillow and closed my eyes.
Actually if I liked someone, but that person does not like me, I would be too embarrassed to pester him. Usually people that speak with strong words are usually the most cowardly. No matter how you pester or trick them, that person will still not like you back.
At dawn, I had a nightmare, and it was A’Mu who woke me up. I was out of breath from crying, but he took me in his arms and comforted me, "Older brother is here, Shi Liu Niang, older brother is here."
I choked up: "No........"
My older brother had died in the battle against Goryeo. It was a great victory for our country, but for my family, it was a great tragedy.
Although I have many older brothers, I am closest with my second brother. I followed him since I was a child, calling him “Brother" in a childish voice. But when I grew up, he got a position in the palace and accompanying the Crown Prince with his studies. Fortunately, I was able to enter the palace as much as I wanted just to see him.
When I was a child, I was not sensible like Chaoyang. I called both my second older brother and A’Mu "brother." Chaoyang called my second older brother "brother” out of kindness. I called A’Mu “brother,” which was not allowed, but no one has ever corrected me, because most adults couldn’t bear to treat an innocent child like that. It was not until I grew up and became a sensible person that I no longer called A’Mu brother.
Although it was A’Mu who was leading the army in title during the war against Goryeo, my brother lead the army as the military governor and died on the battlefield. Since the time when our country was founded, there were almost no princes who have not lead an army. Emperor Taizong fought all the way to establish his position of Crown Prince with his military achievements. All the Crown Princes of our dynasty would personally lead the army.
However, A’Mu was different. The late Emperor had only one son. At that time, the late Emperor wanted A’Mu to lead the army to attack Goryeo. All the officials were in an uproar, so the late Emperor issued an edict ordering A’Mu to only remotely lead the army.
When brother went to war, A’Mu and I left the city to send him off. We didn’t think that parting would turn out to be permanent.
Before my brother got on the horse, he touched my head and said, "Although A’Mu treats you well, don't be willful."
Every time I thought about this, I would feel very sad. The warmth of his palm would slowly warmed my forehead, but I never saw him again. Every time I dream of brother, I feel very sad. Although I didn’t dream of my brother tonight, but I still felt sad.
After dawn, I started to have a fever. Although A'Mu was not at ease, he still has to attend court, so he summoned the Imperial Doctor. I did not expect that I would be sick for this long. The Imperial Doctor had entered the palace every day and changed the prescription several times. The medicine was very bitter, but it wasn't very effective.
I would have a high fever every time at dawn, but during the day, my fever would get a bit better. I would only feel dizzy during the night, and I wouldn’t have strength during the day. When Yuan Shan heard that I was sick, she often entered the palace to see me and sometimes she would encounter A’Mu. One afternoon, I woke up from my nap and heard Yuan Shan's voice from the front of the palace. Looking out from behind the curtain, I noticed that A’Mu was sitting there. I could only see a part of Yuan Shan’s clothes. Her sitting posture was still very dignified and her voice was clear, like a graceful bird. A’Mu revealed a smile on his face. His expression was different to what I usually see and was one I can't describe. That kind of smile is very proper with restraint. I don't think he has ever smiled at me like that. All along, his smile to me brought a sense of tolerance and helplessness. At times he would reach out his hand to touch my hair, smiling at me for saying foolish things and thinking of silly ideas.
At that time, I didn't think there was anything wrong with that. My brother treated me the same way. However, now I felt that this was inappropriate. We have been a married couple for ten years, but he has never treated me the same way as he did to Yuan Shan. He has never revealed such a smile in front of me. He was different in front of the person he likes.
Thank you so much!
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