东宫 Eastern Palace: Chapter 38

The corners of Gu Jian's mouth moved slightly, so I wanted to move closer to hear what he was trying to say but Pei Zhao walked up wanting to stop me: "Your Highness, watch out for the assassin." I angrily said: "He's already like this, can he still hurt people?"

I moved close to Gu Jian's mouth, he suddenly muttered: "A'Du......How is she?......"

I never thought he would be concerned about A'Du, I said: "She's injured, but she's okay."

The corners of his mouth moved, as if he was smiling.

All of his injuries were on his back, while A'Du's injuries were on her leg, without any arrows shot in the crucial parts of her body. Suddenly I don't know how I have guessed: "You hid her under your body?"

He did not answer me, just stared at me, foolishly staring at me.

I suddenly felt very moved, he had saved A'Du. He could have escaped by himself, he had already placed A'Du on the ground, so as long as he left A'Du, he would have been able to break out. But he didn't choose to, instead using his own life to save A'Du. Why did he save A'Du? I already knew, but I still asked: "Why did you save A'Du?..."

"She......If she......" His voice was very quiet, as if it could be blown away by the night wind at any time, I had to move closer, just listening to him whisper, "You will......be deeply hurt......"

I was wailing, but he still smiled: "I can't...........make you sad again......"

I said, "Why are you so foolish? I don't even like you......Why are you so foolish?......"

He looked straight at me: "I......I am sorry to you......"

I could see his eyes were full of remorse. I felt very heartbroken, he was clearly unable to survive, my tears finally rolled down: "Shifu......"

His eyes were staring at the sky, breathing heavily: "That day......stars were like today......like today......bright......You sat on the sandy hill.....Singing......Singing the song......fox....."

He kept on speaking in incomplete sentences. I understood what he meant at that moment, I softly said: "I know......I will sing......I will sing that song for you......"

I lifted his head, not caring about what Pei Zhao and the Yu Lin army thinks. I felt very sad, I was so anxious to sing the song, the only song I could sing:

"A fox.....Sitting on the sandy hill......Sitting on the sandy hill, looking at the moon......Oh, it's not looking at the moon......It was waiting for the shepherd girl to return......"I kept on pausing while I was singing. I was very skilled at singing this song, but I don't know what happened today, almost every word was out of tune. I sang and sang before realizing that my tears had fallen like rain. My tears dripped onto Gu Jian's face, but he keeps looking at me with a smile until his body had turned cold......His hand had fallen to the ground. His white robe was already destroyed by the arrows, extremely ragged. I saw something half exposed in his robe, gently pulling it out, it turned out to be a pair of hairpins that was already soaked in blood, I suddenly remembered that he bought me a pair of hairpins on the night of the Lantern Festival, I had once pushed these to the ground out of anger, apparently he has hid it in his clothes. The things I have thrown away, he actually treasured it, keeping it in his embrace.

As I sat there in a half kneeling position, my voice sounded very sad, like the wind blowing in the desert, swirling through my throat, an indescribable pain: "A fox......It was sitting on the sandy hill......sitting on the sandy hill, basking in the sun......Oh, apparently it was not basking in the sun......It was waiting for the girl who was riding a horse to pass by....."

Pei Zhao walked forward to support me with his hand: "Crown Princess......"

I slapped him in the face, he seemed stunned, but still pulled me up: "This subject will send Crown Princess to see his Highness."

"I don't want to see anyone!" I said with a stern voice, looking at him up close, "All of you......All of you......" I repeated it twice, but couldn't think of words to blame him. He was just following Li Cheng Yin's order, the main culprit was Li Cheng Yin.

A'Du was dying, Gu Jian was already dead.

It was all because of me.

They have set this kind of trap, Gu Jian could have avoided it, but chose not to only because of me.

Gu Jian could have survived, but didn't only because of me.

It was me that had wanted him to save A'Du.

He risked his life to save A'Du.

Again and again, the people around me have been killed because of me.

They killed my grandfather, they killed my mother, they killed He Shi, they also killed Gu Jian......They killed the people around me, the people who love me, one after another......Pei Zhao said: "A’Du’s injuries needs to be treated immediately, Crown Princess, this subject has already ordered someone to send the imperial doctor......."

I coldly glared at him, Pei Zhao did not avoid my gaze, he also did not say anything.

I don't want to talk to him again.

However A'Du's injuries were critical, I didn't let them touch A'Du, I carried A'Du myself. Every time it was A'Du who had carried me, this time I was finally carrying her, her body was very light, last time she was badly injured, Gu Jian had also saved her, would she be able to survive this time?

A'Du's right shoulder blade and rib were fractured. The imperial doctor pulled out the arrows, straightened the broken bones, and then applied the medicine on the wounds. A'Du fell fast asleep.

I curled up in front of her bed. Whoever tries to persuade me, I will not even lift my eyelids to look at them. I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping that A'Du will recover and when she does, I will bring her back to Western Liang.

Li Cheng Yin came to see me. My clothes were covered with blood, my hair was loose and tangled. He frowned, said: "Help Crown Princess change her clothes."

Yong Niang was put in a difficult position, because when she stepped forward, I pulled out the golden inlaid knife and coldly stared at her.

Li Cheng Yin waved his hand and the people in the room retreated.

He moved forward until he was in front of me. I saw his boots through my tangled hair, stepping closer and closer......As I was about to stab him with the knife, he slowly bent down to sit, looking at me.

I looked straight at him.

He lowered his voice: "Xiao Feng, that person must be killed, he has exceptional martial arts skills, unexpectedly he was able to coerce the Emperor, and escape from the army, I have to kill him......"

I could no longer be angry, just faintly looking at him.

"It was my fault for using you to lure him, but I have no other choice. Zhao Liang Di is the daughter of an aristocratic family, her father and brother are important officials, so I must have a proper reason to remove her. The Zhao family and Minister Gao, two evils working together. Being controlled by Minister Gao's faction, his Majesty is determined to reverse the case of the Chen family, once the old case is reopened, Gao Yu Ming would definitely be removed....Zhao Liang Di framed you again......I could only scheme against them with the same trick......You don't have to worry, this matter has already ended......"

What he said was too complicated, I could not understand.

He said a lot of things, mostly about the imperial court. Helping Yue Niang's family with the injustice they have faced ten years ago by further investigation, now the whole Gao family has already been executed, the Zhao family was also executed, Zhao Liang Di has poisoned Xu Bao Lin, the matter of her framing me has been thoroughly exposed, she has been expelled from the Eastern Palace, killing herself out of shame and resentment......The Gao family used to support the power and influence of the Empress, when the Empress was deposed, they tried to make Noble Consort Gao as the Empress. The Zhao family was even more prepared to stir up trouble, these people had helped the Empress to secretly plot against his mother. The harem always involves scheming and conspiracies......He avenged his mother, investigating things that had happened twenty years ago, this must be the thing he was most proud of in his life, is that it?

What Minister Gao, what Zhao family, what Gu Jian, and also Yue Niang.

I didn't understand.

Especially when he mentioned Zhao Liang Di, his tone of voice was as if he just crushed an ant, just mentioning it casually.

He has been in love with this woman for three years, this woman who was as precious as pearls to him.

Apparently it was all an act?

Not even a bit of affection?

I used to hate Zhao Liang Di, especially when she framed me. But at this moment, I just felt that she was pitiful, very pitiful.

Li Cheng Yin’s heart must be made out of stone. Do not talk about a person, even if it was a cat, a dog, having been raised for three years, couldn’t bear to kill it......I thought that these three years the situation would change, but the only thing that didn’t change was him. Whether or not he had jumped into the river of forgetfulness, whether or not he had forgotten everything, he would never forget his power, schemes. He always uses the people around him, and their emotions, to achieve his own goals.

He suddenly reached out his hand, wanting to touch my face.

I was disgusted: "Go away!"

Li Cheng Yin said: "They would not hurt you, they are the archers of the Yu Lin army. Pei Zhao had personally supervised, those arrows would've fallen next to you, they would never hurt you. I shouldn't have risked you, I actually felt very regretful......"

"What about A'Du?" I coldly stared at him, "If A'Du had died with Gu Jian......."

He was stunned, and said: "Xiao Feng, A'Du is just a servant....."

I slapped him in the face, he didn't dodge it, I was so angry that my body was trembling: "She used her life to protect me, and came all the way here from Western Liang with me......In your eyes A'Du is just a servant, but to me she's my sister." I thought of Gu Jian, who died just to save A'Du, he said that he doesn't want to see me sad again. Even Gu Jian knew that if A'Du died, I would die from sorrow.

Li Cheng Yin reached out his hand and hugged me, he said: "Xiao Feng, I like you. Ever since that day when I was sick, and I held onto your hand. Even when your hand was numb you did not let go, at that time I thought in this world how could there be such a silly girl, but I didn't think that I would like a silly girl like you. When you were taken by the assassin, I was really going crazy......At that time I thought, if I couldn't save you, what am I going to do......I've never been afraid......But when you came back, and you said you like Gu Xiao Wu, I knew Gu Xiao Wu was Gu Jian. I was so jealous that I was going crazy. Yes, I don't want him alive because not only was he an assassin, he was also Gu Xiao Wu. Now that Gu Xiao Wu is dead, I know I am wrong, I shouldn't have killed him, but Xiao Feng I didn't have any other choice. From now on no one can hurt you, I promise you, you should believe me this time, ok?"

My tears fell onto the back of my hand, how come I love to cry so much?

Three years ago when I jumped into the river of forgetfulness, feeling completely disheartened, I just wanted to forget this person forever. I really had forgotten him, I only remembered what happened after I married Li Cheng Yin, who was handsome, gentle, refined, and talented. At that time, I hoped that he would like me, even if he would just smile at me occasionally, that would be good.

Now he was holding me in his embrace, saying these foolish things, but all of this was not what I wanted.

I shook my head and pulled my hand out of his hand: "He's not Gu Xiao Wu. Gu Xiao Wu was already dead."

Li Cheng Yin stared at me, a moment later he said: "I have already admit my mistake, what else do you want?"

I felt so tired that I really didn't want to talk anymore, I rested my head against the pillar: "You used to like Zhao Liang Di so much that you quarreled with me every day for her, but now you are telling me that you were deceiving her. You used to have the closest relationship with Minister Gao, but now you are telling me that he has committed treason, so his whole family was executed......You hated me the most, saying you wanted to divorce me, and now you are saying you like me......People like you......How can I trust you again?......"

Li Cheng Yin paused, but did not move: "Xiao Feng, I am the Crown Prince, so there are many things that are not within my control."

I suddenly laughed: "Yes, if a person wants to be the Emperor, they have to be ruthless."

When Gu Jian said this to me, I didn't care much, but now I understand.

As one moves towards the power that comes with the throne of the Emperor, he will have to abandon many feelings and emotions. For example, like the friendship between A'Du and I, he will never understand because he doesn't have any. He has never trusted anyone.

I asked: "If one day I endanger your throne, your country, your land, will you kill me?"

However Li Cheng Yin avoided my question: "Xiao Feng, the Eastern Palace is more dangerous than the Imperial Palace. Compared to an Emperor, being a Crown Prince is more difficult....I've been through a lot, you just don't know......"

I interrupted him, saying: "Will you kill me one day?"

He looked at my face, finally said: "No."

I smiled, slowly said: "You will."

I slowly said to him: "Do you know that there's a place known as the river of forgetfulness?"

He stared at me.

"The river of forgetfulness, to forget a love......" I slowly turned around and sang the familiar song: "A fox sitting on the sandy hill......sitting on the sandy hill, basking in the sun......Oh.....Apparently it was not basking in the sun, it's waiting for the girl who was riding a horse to pass by......"

I know, the Gu Xiao Wu in my heart really was already dead.

Li Cheng Yin knew that Zhao Liang Di had sent someone to poison Xu Bao Lin with slow acting poison, but he didn't say anything.

This woman who had an intimate relationship with him, her life was worthless to him.

Li Cheng Yin was only using Zhao Liang Di, but he could still show love and affection to her every day.

This woman who he married, her life was not worth more than grass to him.

Li Cheng Yin knew that Zhao Liang Di had framed me, but he did not say a word about it, instead just watching me fall into the trap step by step. Using this trap to lure Gu Jian, using this opportunity to kill Gu Jian.

He would not jump down the river of forgetfulness with me again.

The Gu Xiao Wu in my heart really was already dead.

I was unwilling to change my clothes, choosing to just protect A'Du on the side. When her injuries  worsened and she started to have a fever, I thought of Gu Jian. For the very last time Gu Jian had saved her, this time he can't.

When A'Du had the most severe fever, I became sick as well.

That day there was a rainstorm, I walked on the bridge carrying a basin of ice, as a result I slipped and fell hard.

I fell only hitting my forehead, but at night I started to have a fever.

A'Du also had the fever. Li Cheng Yin said A'Du must have infected me with the illness, so he wanted to move A'Du out. He said I have just recovered from my illness, I cannot let myself be infected again by A'Du.

Who was the one who had harmed A'Du like this?

I was very angry, holding onto the golden inlaid knife to protect A'Du. No one dared to move forward.

Li Cheng Yin was also angry, ordering someone to drag me away.

I don't know where they sent A'Du, but I was locked in the inner palace. I don't have the strength to argue anymore, I don't know where A'Du is right now.

(Michelle) Translator's note: I was on the verge of crying while I was translating Gu Jian's scene. I know Gu Jian isn't a good guy, but his sacrifice and the words he said before his death really touched me. I must calm down when translating a tragedy novel.

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