东宫 Eastern Palace: Chapter 40

I know Li Cheng Yin was glaring at me, but I didn’t pay attention to him. Imperial Concubine Xian seemed so happy that she immediately ordered A’Man to go to my side. After the midnight banquet ended, we got out of the palace, where Imperial Concubine Xian had specially prepared a carriage for A'Man to follow behind my carriage.

Palace banquets are a very tiring matter, especially with having to wear many heavy hairpins in the hair. The carriage was shaking, so much that my neck was about to break off. I pulled out the heavy hairpins, slowly breathed, and hope that these days will never come again.

Finally the carriage stopped, the curtain was lifted, an eunuch holding a lantern stood outside, and placed a stool to allow me to get off the carriage. When I was about to get off, Li Cheng Yin suddenly dismounted, rushed forward in a rage, and kicked the stool over. The eunuchs were so scared that they moved back and kneeled far away.

"What are you doing?" I couldn't help but ask.

He stretched his arm, like an eagle catching a chick, pulling me out of the carriage.

A'Du wanted to help me, but Pei Zhao quietly reached out his hand to stop her. Li Cheng Yin carried me on his shoulder. I yelled at him, then I saw A'Du and Pei Zhao were fighting, but Pei Zhao's martial arts were very good, A'Du couldn't just rush over. I yelled at Li Cheng Yin, kicking and biting him, pinching his waist, pulling out the white jade that was attached to his belt, however he carried me all the way into the main palace hall.

"Bang!"

My head had bumped into the porcelain pillow, very painful! Li Cheng Yin just threw me onto the bed like throwing a bag of rice. I got up immediately, but he pushed me down with his arm. I hadn't fought in so many months, the movements of my limbs were slow. The two of us were close to tearing down the main palace hall. A servant who was standing by the door looked inside, and Li Cheng Yin threw a vase at him, 'bang' almost hitting him. The servant was so scared that he moved back and conveniently closed the door. I was gasping for air during the fight. At last, I was exhausted, not moving at all. I stopped struggling, Li Cheng Yin became more gentle.

Li Cheng Yin was still hugging me from behind, he seemed to like hugging people this way. My head was resting on his arm, but it wasn't comfortable.

He must be tired too, he was breathing at my neck, making it very itchy. What he muttered were sweet words used to deceive me.

I did not say anything.

A long time have passed but he didn't say anything, I turned around and he fell asleep with his head bent.

I reached out my hand to touch his eyelids, he fell in a deep sleep, motionless.

I slowly got up, fixing my skirt, then opened the window. A'Du came in quietly and gave me a pair of scissors.

I sat under the light and began to cut my nails carefully.

Carefully so that the white powder under my fingernails would not be blown by my breathing.

This drug was very effective, I had only injured him a bit by scratching the skin on his arm and now he was in a deep sleep.

After I finished cutting my nails, I washed my hand to make sure there wasn't any drug left before I changed into black clothing.

A'Du passed the knife to me. I saw Li Cheng Yin who was asleep, and thought to myself with one slit, even gently slitting his neck, all the hatred would vanish.

He slept uncomfortably. Although he was under the effect of the drug, his eyebrows were slightly wrinkled, eyes under the eyelids slightly moved, he seemed to be dreaming of something. I gently placed the ice cold knife by his neck. He was unconscious, as long as I use a bit of force, I could easily cut open his throat.

The corners of his mouth moved slightly, as if he was dreaming about something painful. I slowly used force, and blood slowly dripped onto the knife blade, already cut through his skin. If I exerted more force.....It seemed he felt the pain through his dream, the muscle in his face began to distort, his fingers twitching, as if he wanted to grab something. He seemed to have wanted to shout, but the sound was so faint that I could hardly hear it.

My hand trembled, the knife had fallen to the ground. A'Du thought that Li Cheng Yin was awake, so she rushed forward. I covered my face with my hands.

I finally remembered that when I fell into the river of forgetfulness three years ago, he jumped down with me. He grabbed me, falling through the wind......He held me while we were spinning in the wind......He kept on trying to grab the edges of the mountain, but we fell too fast, we fell together with the broken rocks, as if they were stars in the sky falling like rain......Just like that night at the riverside, countless fireflies flying from our sleeves, like a brilliant meteor shower, shining on his face and my face......He was only looking at me......I kept on dreaming about this again and again, however I didn't know the person in my dream was him.

Until I remembered the things that happened three years ago, however I couldn't remember the words he had said to me, as the wind was blowing through my ears.

Apparently those words were: "I will forget with you."

We were submerged in the ice cold jade-colored water of the river of forgetfulness as the water surged. I was breathing heavily in the water, swallowing in and spitting out the ice cold water. He jumped down to grab me, only saying those words to me.

"I will forget with you."

All the disaster and danger, everything, he knew, feeling sorry toward me.

At the top of the river of forgetfulness, when he didn't hesitate to jump down with me, he actually wanted to forget, just like me, forget everything.

He also knew that Gu Xiao Wu was dead, just like me, drowned in the river of forgetfulness.

Both of us are lonely ghosts, we never really lived. I used three years of having forgotten the past to live life carelessly, while he used three years of having forgotten the past to erase everything from the past.

In this world, who had suffered more?

In this world, forgetting perhaps would always make one feel happier than remembering.

A'Du picked up the knife and passed it back to me.

I didn't have the courage to kill.

I stared at his face, even in his dreams, he still looked miserable. The little prince he spoke of many years ago, lived very pitifully, just like him. In this Eastern Palace, he did not have any relatives, was always alone in this world, and walked alone on the path to the throne. Along the way he sacrificed all his emotions, passion, compassion and everything he had cherished. Perhaps forgetting is a better punishment for him, he will never know that I had once loved him that way.

I pulled A'Du, turned around to leave.

Li Cheng Yin had asked Pei Zhao to arrange a dozen of skilled martial artists to guard me, but because tonight I had gotten into a fight with Li Cheng Yin, the movements were so big that these people had already retreated, so A'Du and I were able to successfully get out of the main palace hall.

Escaping the Eastern Palace was a common occurrence to us. This time we have been planning for a while, not only to find out the patrol time of the Yu Lin army, but also taking advantage of the hottest days of the sixth month, the redeployment of the servants in the Eastern Palace, leaving a small side door open long ago. Along the way, A'Du and I avoided people, just followed the palace walls that were twisting and turning. I was about to approach the small door that appeared in front of my eyes, but A'Du suddenly pulled me.

I saw Yong Niang standing there alone, holding a lantern, the lantern being shook by the wind. She looked around from time to time, as if she was waiting for someone.

A'Du and I hid behind a cluster of green bamboos for a long time, however Yong Niang still stood there.

I pulled A'Du's sleeve, A'Du understood, slowly pulling out the golden inlaid knife, quietly walking towards Yong Niang.

Suddenly Yong Niang sighed and sat down hugging her knee.

A'Du used the knife handle to lock Yong Niang's acupuncture points. Yong Niang's body became stiff, unable to move.

I reached my arms out to hug her stiff body, whispered: "Yong Niang, I am leaving, but I will miss you."

In this Eastern Palace, only Yong Niang was like A'Du, taking care of me in every way possible.

Yong Niang's mouth was slightly opened, but her acupuncture points were sealed, so she couldn't make any sound. I hugged her with force, I could feel her chest beating very hard. Something hard poked and hurt me, I didn't know what it was, so I took a look at it. Apparently it was a bag of gold leaves. Yong Niang's eyes were staring at me as her eyes slowly filled with tears. Blinking her eyes at me, I could feel water droplets form in my nose, suddenly I realized that she had been waiting here for me.

This bag of gold leaves, she was planning to give me all along.

I didn't know what to say, she used to force me to read books, learn the palace rules, do this do that, force me to please Li Cheng Yin.....So I guarded against her when I was preparing the plan to escape.

I didn't predict that she would be able to see through this, and still choose not to report it to Li Cheng Yin. If she did tell Li Cheng Yin, we would have never been able to leave.

In this Eastern Palace, apparently there was still someone who treats me with utmost sincerity.

A'Du pulled my sleeve, I know if I stayed here any longer, it would be more dangerous when people found out. With tears in my eyes, I hugged Yong Niang one last time again with force before I pulled A'Du to head towards the small door to escape.

The door was for part-time servants to enter and leave. There was a small alley outside the door, which we went through. We passed by many houses, went past the east market, and arrived at Mi Luo's wine shop by the time it was almost daylight.

Mi Luo was waiting for us. She whispered: "The city gate in the west direction will be checked very strictly, I'm afraid that it would not be easy to escape. Today there will be a group of Goryeo merchants that will be heading out of the city. They were planning to head to the northeast direction, but I bribed the leader of the group to allow you both to go with them. Those Goryeo merchants are short, if you stand in the middle, it will not be arouse suspicion." She had already prepared for us the clothes of the Goryeo people, as well as their hats and beards. After A'Du and I finished dressing up in the clothes, wearing the beard and putting on the hat, we looked in the bronze mirror. We looked like two Goryeo merchants.

At this time the sky was already bright, people were walking on the streets. The inn was bustling, the shop next door had opened their doors, the boss lady was brushing her teeth with a tree branch, and the chubby boss was yawning and talking to Mi Luo. The Goryeo merchants came downstairs and spoke so fast as if they were saying a tongue twister, talking in the Goryeo language. Ever since General Pei Kuang had pacified Goryeo, the business relations between Central Plains and Goryeo have become more frequent. After all, Goryeo merchants stand to gain a lot of profit from trading the goods of the Central Plains as there were a lot of good items that Goryeo merchants could not bear to leave behind.

We ate breakfast with the Goryeo merchants, packed our belongings and then headed out to the city gate. This group of Goryeo merchants have numerous caravans of horses carrying goods, bringing ginseng and herbs from Goryeo to sell here, then buying silk cloth and tea leaves in the Capital to bring back to Goryeo. The caravans were in the yard for loading of the goods, and the horses were waiting in the yard for loading. Boxes of goods were being loaded onto the horses' backs. The bells on the horses' necks along with the loud noises of the Goryeo language being spoken, was loud and lively.

A'Du and I rode on horses with the caravans, following them to head out of the city gate. As expected, the city gate was strictly inspected. Some people said a prisoner had escaped from jail, so all nine city gates were strictly inspected. The city gate that was strictest in terms of inspection was the one in the west direction. It was said that anyone who wants to leave through the western gate today will be searched one by one, and anyone who seemed slightly suspicious will be detained and sent to the government office. A'Du and I have ulterior motives, so the rumored escaped prisoner must be us.

Because everyone had to be questioned, the line at the gate kept getting longer and longer. The wait made me feel very anxious. By the time it was our turn, the guard at the gate carefully examined the travel paper, counted the number of people in our group, and then frowned: "How come there are two more people?"

The leader of the Goryeo merchants used hand gestures to respond because he had not mastered the Central Plains language. After a while the guard understood what he was trying to say, that they had met two of their hometown companions in the Capital who were originally detained in the Capital before the war. Now that they heard the war has brought peace, they decided to return back together.

That guard said: "No, there are only fourteen people listed in the travel paper, I only can allow fourteen people, no more than that."

I suddenly came up with an idea, pointing to myself and A'Du, learning the way Goryeo people speak the Central Plains language: "We two, stay. They go."

The guard looked at us, thinking before handing back the travel paper to the leader of the group, and pointed at the two Goryeo merchants behind us, said: "Both of them can stay. You guys can go."

<Chapter 39                                                                                                              Chapter 41>

东宫 Eastern Palace: Chapter 39

I didn't eat, and I also didn't take medicine. Yong Niang had brought me a bowl of medicine, and I used all my strength to flip over the bowl of medicine that she was holding. I just want A'Du. In this Eastern Palace which I cannot bear to even stay for a day, I want A'Du, and I want to go back to Western Liang.

Feeling sleepy, I slept the whole day. I kept on having nightmares. I dreamed about my mother, I dreamed about myself crying lots of tears, I dreamed about my father, his rough and big hand touching my hair, and him saying to me: "Child, you have suffered."

I didn't suffer much, I just felt extremely tired, I couldn't struggle anymore. Like a fish, suffocating; like a flower, about to wither.

Li Cheng Yin and the Eastern Palace, the world's heaviest chains, I could no longer bear.

Afterwards Yong Niang gently shook me awake, she told me: "A'Du is back."

A'Du was really sent back, but still lying on the bed unconscious. I wonder what made Li Cheng Yin change his decision.

I touched A'Du's hand, her hand was much warmer than my hand and she kept on having a fever, but as long as she's here, I can stay with her, then that's good.

Yong Niang didn't say anything, she just said: "Since A'Du came back, Crown Princess please drink the medicine."

I drank the big bowl of bitter medicine in one breath, it was very bitter. I didn't even eat the preserved apricot with the medicine. I smiled at Yong Niang, but she suddenly started crying.

I find it strange, and asked: "Yong Niang, what's wrong?"

Yong Niang didn't say anything, just softly said: "Crown Princess your hair is messy, this servant will help you comb it."

The comb brushing my hair was very comfortable. Yong Niang's hands were light and warm, like the hands of my mother. She combed my hair while slowly saying: "I remembered the time when Crown Princess had just came to the Eastern Palace, you were very sick, having a severe fever. The imperial doctors didn't dare to prescribe you any medicine, afraid that something might happen. This servant was protecting you on the side, at that time, your Central Plains language wasn't very good, in your dreams you kept on crying wanting Shan Zi, later this servant realized that Shan Zi means mother in Western Liang language."

I had forgotten about that, I only remembered when I arrived at the Eastern Palace I was sick, it was Yong Niang and A'Du who had taken care of me until I recovered.

"That year you were only fifteen years old." Yong Niang gently lifted my hair, "Three years have passed by in a flash."

I turned around, she smiled at me: "Your Highness' birthday, the people in the palace has forgotten, his Highness has forgotten as well, but today your Highness is eighteen years old."

I really had forgotten about my birthday. A'Du was very sick as if hovering on a fine line between life and death, how could I remember my birthday when I'm sick with worry? People in the palace must have remembered. But since the palace was in a state of disorder because Noble Consort Gao got into trouble, the rest of the people must not have cared about such a trivial matter as a birthday.

Only Yong Niang remembered.

She carefully combed my sideburns: "From now on, Crown Princess will be an adult, so you should not misbehave and cause trouble again."

Misbehave, causing trouble?

I felt these words were very distant......The me that misbehave and cause trouble has already died a long time ago. Three years ago, she died in the river of forgetfulness, and I am just borrowing her body, passing these three years absentmindedly. I have forgotten everything. I've forgotten all the blood, forgotten this deep hatred, spending these three years with the enemy, falling in love with him once again.

He will never remember the past me.

Fortunately, I would rather him never remembering me again.

When A'Du's injuries were getting better, summer was almost over.

While she was recovering from her injuries, she used hand gestures to tell me some things such as how Gu Jian saved her. Apparently the first time when I wanted Gu Jian to save A'Du, it resulted in Gu Jian losing half of his inner energy while treating A'Du's internal injury.

If it was not like this, he wouldn't have died in the midst of arrows.

A'Du was just as foolish as I am.

I slowly used hand gestures to ask her: "Do you like him?"

A'Du didn't answer me, her eyes faintly teared up. She turned around to look at the lotus flowers outside the window, a moment later she turned back and smiled at me.

I knew she was crying.

This girl was just like me, smiling at people when she was actually crying.

I knew a lot of things from A'Du, such as the first time when Li Cheng Yin was attacked by an assassin, A'Du went out to pursue the assassin and was seriously injured. I always thought it was the Empress's people, but in the end A'Du found out that it wasn't.

"It was his Highness's people." A'Du wrote on paper, "Led by Sun Er."

I was shocked seeing this name, Sun Er? If Sun Er was Li Cheng Yin's people, then the Empress had been wrongly accused? It wasn't her who had sent people to assassinate Li Cheng Yin, but it was Li Cheng Yin's own plan of inflicting damage upon himself? When Sun Er was at Ming Yu Fang, he had led a bunch of people to cause trouble, luring Li Cheng Yin and I away, the conspiracy in between, it was all Li Cheng Yin's doing?

What did he actually do? Li Cheng Yin, what did he do......One word after another, A'Du wrote on paper, telling me: On that day when she was outside Ming Yu Fang, she felt there was something wrong with the situation, so she followed Sun Er to find out. She doesn't want to be discovered by Sun Er, but Sun Er's people have exceptional martial arts skills and she was outnumbered. However the people did not kill her, but only kept her in a very secretive place. Fortunately, a few days later Gu Jian saved her and took her to the temple to see me. She asked Gu Jian why he hid me in the broken temple, it was only then that A'Du knew Gu Jian and Sun Er were both instigated by Li Cheng Yin. Originally, Li Cheng Yin had asked Gu Jian to take his Majesty as hostage, so that his Majesty would believe that someone was trying to prevent him from investigating the old case of the Chen family. Who knew I would come out and volunteer to be a hostage, so Gu Jian had taken me away instead.
　　
I didn't dare to think nor was I willing to think about it anymore, but I just feel every time I think about it, there would be a burst of coldness from the bottom of my heart so cold it feels like winter. Right now Li Cheng Yin was a complete stranger, a terrifying stranger, I will never be able to guess what else he could do. What he did three years ago was terrifying, three years later he was even worse. Did he set up a trap to kill Gu Jian, just so he could silence him? Gu Jian is his cousin, doing all these bad deeds to him. Li Cheng Yin doesn’t even care for A’Du, was it because he never wants me to find out about these things?

A feeling of coldness lingers in my heart, what was he doing? For the first time, I finally felt that a human’s heart can be so terrifying in this world; the Eastern Palace was terrifying, Li Cheng Yin was terrifying.

So terrifying that I was afraid.

A’Du and I were still semi-confined in the palace, right now I didn’t care. In this lonely Eastern Palace, only A’Du and I depended on each other.

Yue Niang came to see me several times, I said to her: "Be careful in the palace."

How could the Emperor’s love last long? The Emperor brought her into the palace, only to use her name to overturn the case of the Chen family. There are so many beauties in the Imperial Palace, I'm only afraid that it will be more than in the Eastern Palace. Noble Consort Gao died of a sudden illness, but there were rumours saying that because she had lost her power and influence, she committed suicide by swallowing gold. About the things that happens in the Imperial Palace, rumours of them spread really fast in the Eastern Palace.

I know Yue Niang is in a tricky situation. Although the Emperor still seems to favor her, but after all she was born in a brothel. Now there are more power and influences emerging in the court, and his Majesty has a new imperial concubine. The ministers had tried to persuade him to appoint a new Empress, but his Majesty still haven’t made the decision yet.

If there is an Empress, I don't know if the Empress will be jealous of Yue Niang. Yong Niang once told me about the previous dynasty's imperial concubine Lan, because she had a poor background, she died as a result of being framed by the Empress. I really don't want Yue Niang to end up like that.

Yue Niang smiled sweetly: "Don't worry, I can handle it."

She played a song for me.

"On an autumn's day in Nantang[1], picking lotus flowers that were taller than one's head. When one lowers their head, lotus seeds as green as the water can be seen......"

Yue Niang's voice is very pleasant to hear, like a soft fog, like dew rolling on the surfaces of lotus leaves, like the gust of wind blowing through the palace walls, blowing through the swing, blowing through the blue sky, blowing through the white clouds.....There were little birds flying in the blue sky, flying all the way to the west, all the way to Western Liang. Although Western Liang doesn't have such beautiful lotus ponds, or beauties that pick lotus flowers, but Western Liang is my home.

I remembered the days when I was at Ming Yu Fang. At that time I was very happy and carefree, singing to one's content.

I sighed: "I don't know when is the next time I will be able to hear you sing again."

Yue Niang said: "I will see you again."

I didn't speak, I have already decided to go back to Western Liang.

Once A'Du recovers, both of us will go back together.

Li Cheng Yin ordered Pei Zhao to select a few people to follow me around. On the surface he was protecting, but he was actually guarding me. Those people were guarding me so closely that if A'Du and I were to try to suddenly escape, I think it wouldn't be successful. So we could only take action when there is a chance.

Qiqiao festival [2] is one of the liveliest days in the palace. Because his Majesty's birthday is also on the same day as the festival, the palace was decorated more than half a month ago with lanterns and colored streamers, the garden was decorated, and new boats were bought. The banquet is by the Nanyuan pond on the Qiongshan island. The island has a Calyx building and the Qianlu pavilion, which are close to the water and the wind, both good places to relieve the summer heat.

Calyx building

Li Cheng Yin went to the palace early in the morning, while I went a little later than him. On his birthday, his Majesty would always have a banquet with the ministers, so there will be a banquet in the Cheng De Palace. The banquet was perfectly arranged by the newly appointed Imperial Concubine Xian. While I rode the boat from Gan Lu Palace, I could hear faint sound of music from the waterside. Those were the music bands arranged by Imperial Concubine Xian to play traditional music instruments by the waterside. The sound of music transferred by the water make it sound like heavenly music.

The banquet began at dusk. Nanyuan pond was filled with white lotus flowers, the flower petals overlapping, with no fragrance. Imperial Concubine Xian had ordered someone to place lotus lamps in the water, with each lotus lamp burning an incense, which was separated by the copper plate that was on the candle. After the candles were burnt, the fragrance of the incenses were so strong, being blown away by the distant wind. Even the fragrant scent of the women in the harem cannot be compared to the scent of the incense. On the pavilion, the music department had arranged a new limbo dance, the dancers wore dark green dresses like lotus leaf fairies, dancing in waves. The lights in the pavilion reflected on the water surface, sparkles of light-like star fragments.

His Majesty is very pleased with this arrangement, he praised Imperial Concubine Xian for her thoughtfulness, especially the lotus lamp incense. Imperial Concubine Xian laughed and said: "How is it my idea? I would always mention that although the lotus flowers are beautiful, it is unfortunate that they are without fragrance. The female official beside me, A'Man, is very clever, and she came up with the idea of making this incense light.  Being able to be praised by your Majesty, A'Man is very fortunate. I thank your Majesty on her behalf."

The person named A'Man, who is a female official around sixteen or seventeen years old, slowly stepped forward, gracefully bowing to his Majesty. When she looked up, many people inhaled, A'Man is even more beautiful than Yue Niang. Everyone thinks she's elegant and incomparable, like a white lotus flower. His Majesty seemed to be startled by her beauty, stunned. Afterwards he bestowed her with a set of jade vases and a box of perfume. I thought his Majesty would give her the title of Imperial Concubine, but who knew his Majesty would suddenly ask Li Cheng Yin: "Yin Er, what do you think of this girl?"

Li Cheng Yin, who was sitting opposite of me, seemed tired and didn't speak much. When he heard the Emperor suddenly ask him, he glanced at A'Man and then faintly said: "She's a beauty."

His Majesty said: "There is a shortage of people serving you, why don't we ask A'Man to go to the Eastern Palace? I'll appoint another person to be Imperial Concubine Xian's female official."

Li Cheng Yin said: "I don't have any shortage of people serving me, I thank your Majesty for your kindness."

I couldn't help but move. His Majesty asked: "Does Crown Princess have something to say?"

I said: "Father, his Highness is shy, feeling embarrassed to say what he wants. A'Man is so beautiful, if he doesn't want then I want. I request your Majesty to bestow A'Man to me." 

His Majesty laughed and agreed.

Notes: 

[1]南塘 Nantang- An empire in Southern China and it is one of the ten kingdoms between 937-976.

[2]乞巧节 Qiqiao festival- This festival is also known as Chinese Valentine's day, which happens on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month. It celebrates the annual reunion of lovers. This festival all started with the story of the cowherd and the weaver girl. The weaver girl was a fairy from heaven who secretly came to earth and married the cowherd, but later the couple was separated by the God of Heaven. Once a year on this day, the magpies would build a bridge for the couple to meet each other.

<Chapter 38                                                                                                              Chapter 40>

东宫 Eastern Palace: Chapter 38

The corners of Gu Jian's mouth moved slightly, so I wanted to move closer to hear what he was trying to say but Pei Zhao walked up wanting to stop me: "Your Highness, watch out for the assassin." I angrily said: "He's already like this, can he still hurt people?"

I moved close to Gu Jian's mouth, he suddenly muttered: "A'Du......How is she?......"

I never thought he would be concerned about A'Du, I said: "She's injured, but she's okay."

The corners of his mouth moved, as if he was smiling.

All of his injuries were on his back, while A'Du's injuries were on her leg, without any arrows shot in the crucial parts of her body. Suddenly I don't know how I have guessed: "You hid her under your body?"

He did not answer me, just stared at me, foolishly staring at me.

I suddenly felt very moved, he had saved A'Du. He could have escaped by himself, he had already placed A'Du on the ground, so as long as he left A'Du, he would have been able to break out. But he didn't choose to, instead using his own life to save A'Du. Why did he save A'Du? I already knew, but I still asked: "Why did you save A'Du?..."

"She......If she......" His voice was very quiet, as if it could be blown away by the night wind at any time, I had to move closer, just listening to him whisper, "You will......be deeply hurt......"

I was wailing, but he still smiled: "I can't...........make you sad again......"

I said, "Why are you so foolish? I don't even like you......Why are you so foolish?......"

He looked straight at me: "I......I am sorry to you......"

I could see his eyes were full of remorse. I felt very heartbroken, he was clearly unable to survive, my tears finally rolled down: "Shifu......"

His eyes were staring at the sky, breathing heavily: "That day......stars were like today......like today......bright......You sat on the sandy hill.....Singing......Singing the song......fox....."

He kept on speaking in incomplete sentences. I understood what he meant at that moment, I softly said: "I know......I will sing......I will sing that song for you......"

I lifted his head, not caring about what Pei Zhao and the Yu Lin army thinks. I felt very sad, I was so anxious to sing the song, the only song I could sing:

"A fox.....Sitting on the sandy hill......Sitting on the sandy hill, looking at the moon......Oh, it's not looking at the moon......It was waiting for the shepherd girl to return......"I kept on pausing while I was singing. I was very skilled at singing this song, but I don't know what happened today, almost every word was out of tune. I sang and sang before realizing that my tears had fallen like rain. My tears dripped onto Gu Jian's face, but he keeps looking at me with a smile until his body had turned cold......His hand had fallen to the ground. His white robe was already destroyed by the arrows, extremely ragged. I saw something half exposed in his robe, gently pulling it out, it turned out to be a pair of hairpins that was already soaked in blood, I suddenly remembered that he bought me a pair of hairpins on the night of the Lantern Festival, I had once pushed these to the ground out of anger, apparently he has hid it in his clothes. The things I have thrown away, he actually treasured it, keeping it in his embrace.

As I sat there in a half kneeling position, my voice sounded very sad, like the wind blowing in the desert, swirling through my throat, an indescribable pain: "A fox......It was sitting on the sandy hill......sitting on the sandy hill, basking in the sun......Oh, apparently it was not basking in the sun......It was waiting for the girl who was riding a horse to pass by....."

Pei Zhao walked forward to support me with his hand: "Crown Princess......"

I slapped him in the face, he seemed stunned, but still pulled me up: "This subject will send Crown Princess to see his Highness."

"I don't want to see anyone!" I said with a stern voice, looking at him up close, "All of you......All of you......" I repeated it twice, but couldn't think of words to blame him. He was just following Li Cheng Yin's order, the main culprit was Li Cheng Yin.

A'Du was dying, Gu Jian was already dead.

It was all because of me.

They have set this kind of trap, Gu Jian could have avoided it, but chose not to only because of me.

Gu Jian could have survived, but didn't only because of me.

It was me that had wanted him to save A'Du.

He risked his life to save A'Du.

Again and again, the people around me have been killed because of me.

They killed my grandfather, they killed my mother, they killed He Shi, they also killed Gu Jian......They killed the people around me, the people who love me, one after another......Pei Zhao said: "A’Du’s injuries needs to be treated immediately, Crown Princess, this subject has already ordered someone to send the imperial doctor......."

I coldly glared at him, Pei Zhao did not avoid my gaze, he also did not say anything.

I don't want to talk to him again.

However A'Du's injuries were critical, I didn't let them touch A'Du, I carried A'Du myself. Every time it was A'Du who had carried me, this time I was finally carrying her, her body was very light, last time she was badly injured, Gu Jian had also saved her, would she be able to survive this time?

A'Du's right shoulder blade and rib were fractured. The imperial doctor pulled out the arrows, straightened the broken bones, and then applied the medicine on the wounds. A'Du fell fast asleep.

I curled up in front of her bed. Whoever tries to persuade me, I will not even lift my eyelids to look at them. I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping that A'Du will recover and when she does, I will bring her back to Western Liang.

Li Cheng Yin came to see me. My clothes were covered with blood, my hair was loose and tangled. He frowned, said: "Help Crown Princess change her clothes."

Yong Niang was put in a difficult position, because when she stepped forward, I pulled out the golden inlaid knife and coldly stared at her.

Li Cheng Yin waved his hand and the people in the room retreated.

He moved forward until he was in front of me. I saw his boots through my tangled hair, stepping closer and closer......As I was about to stab him with the knife, he slowly bent down to sit, looking at me.

I looked straight at him.

He lowered his voice: "Xiao Feng, that person must be killed, he has exceptional martial arts skills, unexpectedly he was able to coerce the Emperor, and escape from the army, I have to kill him......"

I could no longer be angry, just faintly looking at him.

"It was my fault for using you to lure him, but I have no other choice. Zhao Liang Di is the daughter of an aristocratic family, her father and brother are important officials, so I must have a proper reason to remove her. The Zhao family and Minister Gao, two evils working together. Being controlled by Minister Gao's faction, his Majesty is determined to reverse the case of the Chen family, once the old case is reopened, Gao Yu Ming would definitely be removed....Zhao Liang Di framed you again......I could only scheme against them with the same trick......You don't have to worry, this matter has already ended......"

What he said was too complicated, I could not understand.

He said a lot of things, mostly about the imperial court. Helping Yue Niang's family with the injustice they have faced ten years ago by further investigation, now the whole Gao family has already been executed, the Zhao family was also executed, Zhao Liang Di has poisoned Xu Bao Lin, the matter of her framing me has been thoroughly exposed, she has been expelled from the Eastern Palace, killing herself out of shame and resentment......The Gao family used to support the power and influence of the Empress, when the Empress was deposed, they tried to make Noble Consort Gao as the Empress. The Zhao family was even more prepared to stir up trouble, these people had helped the Empress to secretly plot against his mother. The harem always involves scheming and conspiracies......He avenged his mother, investigating things that had happened twenty years ago, this must be the thing he was most proud of in his life, is that it?

What Minister Gao, what Zhao family, what Gu Jian, and also Yue Niang.

I didn't understand.

Especially when he mentioned Zhao Liang Di, his tone of voice was as if he just crushed an ant, just mentioning it casually.

He has been in love with this woman for three years, this woman who was as precious as pearls to him.

Apparently it was all an act?

Not even a bit of affection?

I used to hate Zhao Liang Di, especially when she framed me. But at this moment, I just felt that she was pitiful, very pitiful.

Li Cheng Yin’s heart must be made out of stone. Do not talk about a person, even if it was a cat, a dog, having been raised for three years, couldn’t bear to kill it......I thought that these three years the situation would change, but the only thing that didn’t change was him. Whether or not he had jumped into the river of forgetfulness, whether or not he had forgotten everything, he would never forget his power, schemes. He always uses the people around him, and their emotions, to achieve his own goals.

He suddenly reached out his hand, wanting to touch my face.

I was disgusted: "Go away!"

Li Cheng Yin said: "They would not hurt you, they are the archers of the Yu Lin army. Pei Zhao had personally supervised, those arrows would've fallen next to you, they would never hurt you. I shouldn't have risked you, I actually felt very regretful......"

"What about A'Du?" I coldly stared at him, "If A'Du had died with Gu Jian......."

He was stunned, and said: "Xiao Feng, A'Du is just a servant....."

I slapped him in the face, he didn't dodge it, I was so angry that my body was trembling: "She used her life to protect me, and came all the way here from Western Liang with me......In your eyes A'Du is just a servant, but to me she's my sister." I thought of Gu Jian, who died just to save A'Du, he said that he doesn't want to see me sad again. Even Gu Jian knew that if A'Du died, I would die from sorrow.

Li Cheng Yin reached out his hand and hugged me, he said: "Xiao Feng, I like you. Ever since that day when I was sick, and I held onto your hand. Even when your hand was numb you did not let go, at that time I thought in this world how could there be such a silly girl, but I didn't think that I would like a silly girl like you. When you were taken by the assassin, I was really going crazy......At that time I thought, if I couldn't save you, what am I going to do......I've never been afraid......But when you came back, and you said you like Gu Xiao Wu, I knew Gu Xiao Wu was Gu Jian. I was so jealous that I was going crazy. Yes, I don't want him alive because not only was he an assassin, he was also Gu Xiao Wu. Now that Gu Xiao Wu is dead, I know I am wrong, I shouldn't have killed him, but Xiao Feng I didn't have any other choice. From now on no one can hurt you, I promise you, you should believe me this time, ok?"

My tears fell onto the back of my hand, how come I love to cry so much?

Three years ago when I jumped into the river of forgetfulness, feeling completely disheartened, I just wanted to forget this person forever. I really had forgotten him, I only remembered what happened after I married Li Cheng Yin, who was handsome, gentle, refined, and talented. At that time, I hoped that he would like me, even if he would just smile at me occasionally, that would be good.

Now he was holding me in his embrace, saying these foolish things, but all of this was not what I wanted.

I shook my head and pulled my hand out of his hand: "He's not Gu Xiao Wu. Gu Xiao Wu was already dead."

Li Cheng Yin stared at me, a moment later he said: "I have already admit my mistake, what else do you want?"

I felt so tired that I really didn't want to talk anymore, I rested my head against the pillar: "You used to like Zhao Liang Di so much that you quarreled with me every day for her, but now you are telling me that you were deceiving her. You used to have the closest relationship with Minister Gao, but now you are telling me that he has committed treason, so his whole family was executed......You hated me the most, saying you wanted to divorce me, and now you are saying you like me......People like you......How can I trust you again?......"

Li Cheng Yin paused, but did not move: "Xiao Feng, I am the Crown Prince, so there are many things that are not within my control."

I suddenly laughed: "Yes, if a person wants to be the Emperor, they have to be ruthless."

When Gu Jian said this to me, I didn't care much, but now I understand.

As one moves towards the power that comes with the throne of the Emperor, he will have to abandon many feelings and emotions. For example, like the friendship between A'Du and I, he will never understand because he doesn't have any. He has never trusted anyone.

I asked: "If one day I endanger your throne, your country, your land, will you kill me?"

However Li Cheng Yin avoided my question: "Xiao Feng, the Eastern Palace is more dangerous than the Imperial Palace. Compared to an Emperor, being a Crown Prince is more difficult....I've been through a lot, you just don't know......"

I interrupted him, saying: "Will you kill me one day?"

He looked at my face, finally said: "No."

I smiled, slowly said: "You will."

I slowly said to him: "Do you know that there's a place known as the river of forgetfulness?"

He stared at me.

"The river of forgetfulness, to forget a love......" I slowly turned around and sang the familiar song: "A fox sitting on the sandy hill......sitting on the sandy hill, basking in the sun......Oh.....Apparently it was not basking in the sun, it's waiting for the girl who was riding a horse to pass by......"

I know, the Gu Xiao Wu in my heart really was already dead.

Li Cheng Yin knew that Zhao Liang Di had sent someone to poison Xu Bao Lin with slow acting poison, but he didn't say anything.

This woman who had an intimate relationship with him, her life was worthless to him.

Li Cheng Yin was only using Zhao Liang Di, but he could still show love and affection to her every day.

This woman who he married, her life was not worth more than grass to him.

Li Cheng Yin knew that Zhao Liang Di had framed me, but he did not say a word about it, instead just watching me fall into the trap step by step. Using this trap to lure Gu Jian, using this opportunity to kill Gu Jian.

He would not jump down the river of forgetfulness with me again.

The Gu Xiao Wu in my heart really was already dead.

I was unwilling to change my clothes, choosing to just protect A'Du on the side. When her injuries  worsened and she started to have a fever, I thought of Gu Jian. For the very last time Gu Jian had saved her, this time he can't.

When A'Du had the most severe fever, I became sick as well.

That day there was a rainstorm, I walked on the bridge carrying a basin of ice, as a result I slipped and fell hard.

I fell only hitting my forehead, but at night I started to have a fever.

A'Du also had the fever. Li Cheng Yin said A'Du must have infected me with the illness, so he wanted to move A'Du out. He said I have just recovered from my illness, I cannot let myself be infected again by A'Du.

Who was the one who had harmed A'Du like this?

I was very angry, holding onto the golden inlaid knife to protect A'Du. No one dared to move forward.

Li Cheng Yin was also angry, ordering someone to drag me away.

I don't know where they sent A'Du, but I was locked in the inner palace. I don't have the strength to argue anymore, I don't know where A'Du is right now.

(Michelle) Translator's note: I was on the verge of crying while I was translating Gu Jian's scene. I know Gu Jian isn't a good guy, but his sacrifice and the words he said before his death really touched me. I must calm down when translating a tragedy novel.

<Chapter 37                                                                                                                Chapter 39>

东宫 Eastern Palace: Chapter 37

Li Cheng Yin summoned an official, who revealed the accusations against me one after another, such as being disrespectful and not following the palace rules. I am not virtuous at all, so these accusations were correct. There were only two serious accusations: the witchcraft and causing the death of Xu Bao Lin.

I was confined in the Kang Xue Palace, the most remote part of the Eastern Palace, where no one has ever lived here before. This must be what people refer to as the cold palace.

When the Empress was deposed, I realized that if Li Cheng Yin ever wanted to depose me from the position of Crown Princess, then it would be a very complicated process. It would require his Majesty to hand over the imperial edict to the ministers for approval. But those old ministers with white beards are not easy to persuade. Last time when the Empress was deposed, one minister had opposed the idea, arguing that he would kill himself by knocking himself on the stairs of the Cheng Tian gate. Someone really did knock himself, but fortunately didn't die. His Majesty was very angry, and the Empress was still deposed.

Actually I thought that maybe the guards here would slack off, then it would be easier for A'Du and I to escape.

When Yue Niang came to see me, I was growing flowers in the courtyard.

Both of my hands were covered with mud. Yue Niang smiled first and then showed a worried expression: "His Majesty sent me here to see you, how did this happen?"

It was only then I realized that his Majesty's new imperial concubine, referred to as "Niang Zi[1]," was actually Yue Niang.

I looked at Yue Niang, who was wearing new palace clothes of yellow silk garment, looking very magnificent. I faintly smiled and said: "Luckily Li Cheng Yin doesn't want me, otherwise I will have to call you Mother, that would be too unfortunate!"

However Yue Niang wrinkled her brows: "You can still smile?" She looked at me, then said: "Look at yourself, you still have the mood to grow flowers?"

Yue Niang told me about things I didn't know of.

Apparently Zhao Liang Di's family have great influence in the imperial court. Now she wants to place these accusations onto me and put me to death. His Majesty was in a very difficult position. It was said that he had privately summoned Li Cheng Yin to discuss but because there was no one else there, no one knows what was said. Afterwards his Majesty was in an angry mood and Li Cheng Yin furiously left. Now even the royal father and son have fallen apart, Yue Niang was pleading on the side, but she couldn't do anything.

Yue Niang said: "I know these are false accusations, but right now the situation is pressing. I begged his Majesty to allow me to see you. Do you have anything you want to say or anyone you want to meet?"

I find this baffling: "I don't want to see anyone!"

Knowing that I didn't understand, Yue Niang patiently explained. Apparently she meant that she wanted me to go see Li Cheng Yin and say some soft words to him. As long as Li Chengyin was willing to suppress the matter, even if Zhao Liang Di wanted to cause trouble, there were still ways of turning this situation into an insignificant matter. After all, the dead Xu Bao Lin does not have any sort of background. Also the witchcraft could either be a significant or insignificant matter.

Yue Niang said: "I heard that in the past, witchcraft has occurred in the palace. It involved the most favored imperial consort. At that time, Emperor Zhongzong[2] killed the palace maid by beating her with a stick without further investigation. Other people would gossip about it, but what can they do?"

Acknowledging that it was my fault to Li Cheng Yin would be much harder than just killing me.

I coldly said: "I didn't do those things. Since they have wrongly accused me, they can kill or cut me into pieces, whatever they want. But to beg him for mercy, never."

Yue Niang tried to persuade me for a long time, but I refused. She was so anxious that she was about to cry, yet I pulled her to see the flowers I planted.

I had planted many roses in the cold palace. The people in charge of guarding the cold palace were very polite to A'Du and I. If I wanted flower seeds, they would buy flower seeds for me. If I wanted flower soil, then they would buy it for me. Only the Central Plains have these kinds of roses. Before when I went to Ming Yu Fang, Yue Niang always love to put a flower in her hair. I said to Yue Niang: "When these flowers bloom, I'll give you some to put in your hair."

Yue Niang wrinkled her brows, said: "Are you not worried about yourself at all?"

I held up a water ladle to water the roses: "Look at these flowers, they have been planted in the soil, dug up by others, and then sold here again. But they still survived anyways, blooming into beautiful flowers. They never worry about themselves because they're alive. Why worry about these things, whatever happens will happen, what is there to be afraid of?"

Besides there was no use in worrying, Li Cheng Yin won't believe me. The things in the past, I really wish I have forgotten. Fortunately only I had remembered, he doesn't remember. Anyway, I've been waiting for a chance. I want to end everything, and then leave here. I don't want to see Li Cheng Yin ever again.

Hearing me say this, Yue Niang doesn't know whether to cry or laugh. Feeling helpless, she could only return to her own palace.

Besides the food not being very good, I felt that the days spent in the cold palace wasn't bad because it's quiet.

I used to love lively places.

One day during midnight, A'Du suddenly woke me up. I rubbed my eyes and asked: "What's wrong?"

A'Du looked very panicked, she urgently pulled me to the east window, pointing at the wall.

I saw thick smoke and burning flames, I couldn't help but be startled. How could it suddenly catch on fire? The fire was burning quickly. A'Du kicked open the west window and we climbed out of the window, she then pulled me up onto the back wall. We hadn't yet stood firmly on the wall when suddenly a strong gust of wind was blown towards us. A'Du pushed me and I fell down, seeing A'Du cut through something with her knife, a 'ding' sound could be heard. Apparently it was an arrow, A'Du bent down and rushed over to grab me. I don't know where these arrows came from, but the second arrow, third arrow kept coming one after another......A'Du had cut down several arrows already but the arrows were like locusts, smashing the glazed tiles on the walls and turning them into powder. I watched an arrow fly and shoot into her shoulder, suddenly blood spattered, I shouted "A'Du!" but she didn't stop to take care of her injury, instead just rushing over to grab my hand. The wind swept through my ears. I remembered one time when we were trying to climb over the wall and arrows were shot at us. At that time A'Du wasn't able to grab onto me, it was Pei Zhao who had caught me, but right now Pei Zhao wasn't here. I know and A'Du knows as well.

In the thick rain of arrows, A'Du finally pulled my arm, her golden inlaid knife had drawn a long stroke of golden sparks on the wall, the hard bricks turning into powder once it has fallen to the ground. But we still fell very fast, her right shoulder was injured, unable to use force, so the knife could not penetrate the wall. The arrows were getting more concentrated. I was so anxious that I shouted: "A'Du, you let go! Let go!"

If she doesn't let go, we'll both fall and die together. The wall was high and the ground was made out of bricks, if we fall then it would be impossible for us to not turn into a meat paste.

A'Du's blood was dripping on my face. I tried to break out of her grasp but she suddenly swung me up with all of her strength and I was thrown into midair, as if I was soaring to the clouds. My hand tried to grasp onto something, finally I grasped onto the glazed roof tiles, wanting to climb up the wall. I saw A'Du being shot by several arrows, although she didn't have the strength to block the arrows anymore. Fortunately she finally was able to penetrate the wall using her knife, preventing herself from falling. But she didn't have any strength left in her hand, finally she let go, falling to the ground. I cried out loud. On such a dark night, arrows were shot at the glazed tiles next to me, 'peng peng' sounds could be heard repeatedly, broken pieces splashed on my face, very painful. I cried out repeatedly calling A'Du's name with arrows falling around me like rain, I was enveloped by it. I had never felt so helpless and lonely.

Someone stood in front of me, he just waved his sleeves and the arrows being shot were scattered, as if they had lost all its' accuracy, falling down crookedly. With my blurry eyes that were filled with tears, I saw his white robe that was as bright as the moonlight.

Gu Jian!

He waved away the arrows, pulling me onto the glazed roof tiles of the palace. I shouted: "Also A'Du! Hurry and save A'Du!"

After Gu Jian pushed me to the edge of the roof, he turned around and flew down from the wall. I saw his sleeves being blown by the wind, like a white bird flying from the wall. At the bottom, suddenly there were countless meteor-like fire arrows shooting through the silent night, those concentrated fire arrows were aimed at Gu Jian. I heard numerous arrows crashing into the wall, 'pa pa' like summer moths bumping into lamps that were covered in sheepskin. The ignited fire arrows lit up the air, then were rapidly extinguished. Gu Jian was very fast, he had already picked up A'Du, but those fire arrows were very close, the air was filled with a burning smell. The arrows carried a sound of sharpness, firing from all directions towards Gu Jian. I looked down from the top of the wall and saw layers of black armored people. The clanging sounds of their armor could be heard as they marched, tightly encircling layer by layer. I don't know how many thousands of people were involved in this ambush. Gu Jian was holding A'Du in one hand while holding a sword in the other hand cutting those arrows. There were a pile of broken arrows below him, but those arrows were still lit. The light reflected on his white robe, very ethereal. He was like a ghost, looking back and forth at the arrows being shot, which after being cut down, fell in front of him. But the arrows were coming from all directions like locusts, he could hardly break out of the circle. His white robe was spattered with blood, I'm unsure if it was his blood or A'Du's blood. Although A'Du was held by him, she was motionless, so I was unsure of the condition of her injury. If this continues, him and A'Du will definitely be shot to death by those arrows. I was very worried, also I didn't know who was responsible for the ambush. I suddenly thought about these people who were wearing heavy armor and shooting fire arrows in the Eastern Palace, such a large movement could not be organized by an assassin. Thinking up to here, I suddenly stood up but someone from behind gently pressed onto my sleeveless inner garment, who said: "Bend down."

I looked back and apparently it was Pei Zhao, behind him were the armored Yu Lin army that was standing on the glazed roof tiles. They were all standing there in silence, the bows and arrows in their hands half-opened, pointed at the surrounding area below. These people were standing at the top, even if Gu Jian could break out of the circle, they would definitely shoot their arrows, forcing him to move back to the middle.

I was very anxious, I hurriedly told Pei Zhao: "Hurry and tell them to stop!"

Pei Zhao lowered his voice and said: "Crown Princess, Crown Prince has ordered for the assassin to be killed, and this subject cannot disobey the order."

I grabbed his arm: "He's not an assassin, and he's holding A'Du, who's not an assassin. Hurry and tell them to stop!"

Pei Zhao's expression was as if he was in a dilemma, but little by little, he pulled his arm out of my fingers. I was so angry that I shouted: "Even if Gu Jian had once tried to assassinate his Majesty, he didn't hurt him. Also since you wanted to capture Gu Jian, then go capture him! A'Du is innocent, hurry and tell them to stop!"

Pei Zhao lowered his voice to say: "His Highness has ordered for the assassin to be killed as soon as he appears, we cannot allow him to escape. Please forgive me Crown Princess, this subject cannot disobey the order."

I was furious and said: "What if it was me? If Gu Jian grabbed me, would you shoot arrows and kill the both of us?"

　　

Pei Zhao raised his head to look at me, his eyes were dark, the distant flames reflected in his eyes, like ignited sparks, but disappears in an instant. I said: "Hurry and order them to stop, or else I will jump down and die with them."

Pei Zhao suddenly reached out his hand, saying: "Then this subject will have no choice but to be disrespectful to Crown Princess! Please forgive me." I felt sudden numbness in my acupuncture points, my feet became soft, and with one movement I suddenly just sat there. My limbs were so stiff that I could no longer move. He had actually locked my acupuncture points, not allowing me to move.

I shouted, but Pei Zhao ignored me, turned around and shouted: "Rise!"

The three thousand soldiers on the top of the roof stood up with a half kneeling posture, drawing back the bows in their hands to the full extent, the arrows pointing at the two people below.

I was so anxious that I burst into tears, I screamed: "Pei Zhao! If you shoot the arrows today, I will definitely kill you!"

Pei Zhao ignored me, turned around and shouted: "Shoot!"

I heard the sound of chaos as countless arrows flew over my head straight down to the people in the surrounding area. Gu Jian rose into the air and wanted to break out, but was forced back by the thick rain of arrows. My eyes were blurred by my tears, watching the arrows that were covering the sky without wind. Gu Jian suddenly placed A'Du on the ground. He must have wanted to escape alone, the arrows became more concentrated. In a moment, the arrows were raining down side by side, without revealing a single gap. Gu Jian and A'Du could no longer be seen at all. I was furious and constantly yelling nonstop but Pei Zhao seemed to turn a deaf ear. Afterwards I started to cry, I had never cried so hard. In the darkness, I even begged him not to shoot again, but Pei Zhao was just indifferent.

I didn't know how much time had passed before Pei Zhao finally shouted 'Stop'. Teardrops had blurred my vision, I could only see a pile of arrows forming into a small mountain underneath, I couldn't see any trace of human. The first row of heavily armored Yu Lin army stepped back, revealing the second row of the Yu Lin army. Those soldiers worked together to lift the mountain of arrows.

I saw that Gu Jian's white robe was now soaked with blood, almost turning into a red robe.

My mouth was hanging wide open, but I couldn't cry out loud, large teardrops rolled down my cheeks and into my mouth, bitter and salty. A'Du, my A'Du.

My A'Du, who had spent the past three years with me, not being able to take revenge for her family and country, coming all the way here with me, using her life to protect me......I couldn't do anything, but to watch her get shot by those arrows.

I don't know when Pei Zhao brought me down from the roof. He unlocked my acupuncture points, I grabbed his sword and pointed it at him. He looked at me, quietly said: "Crown Princess, if you want to kill me, then kill. It was his Highness' order, and this subject cannot disobey!"

I ran to the people in the surrounding area, but those soldiers wouldn't let me go through. I looked at Pei Zhao, who waved his hand. Those soldiers moved to the side, creating a gap.

A'Du's face was covered with blood. I cried out loud, tears were dripping onto her face. Her body was still warm, so I reached out my hand to check her body to see where she was injured and if it could be healed. Her upper body miraculously didn't get shot by any arrows, but her leg was shot by arrows several times. I cried while screaming out her name, her eyes suddenly moved.

I was surprised and grateful, calling out her name with a crying voice. She finally opened her eyes, but she couldn't speak. She used all of her remaining strength to point at Gu Jian. I didn't understand what she meant, but her eyes were looking at Gu Jian, firmly grasping my clothes.

"You want me to go see him?" I finally guessed what she had meant, she nodded slightly.

I don't know why A'Du wanted me to do that, but she's dying, and if she wants me to do something, I will definitely do it.

I went to Gu Jian's side, his eyes were half opened, but he was not dead.

I was shocked, his eyes flickered slightly, recognizing me. His back was covered with dozens, hundreds of arrows, closely packed together resembling the back of a hedgehog, without an inch of perfect skin left. I was very sad, he had once saved me again and again. He saved me in the Tian Gen mountain, he had also saved me in the midst of arrows. I crouched down and called his name.

I didn't know Li Cheng Yin would set up a trap here, I had dragged Gu Jian into this.

Notes:

[1] 娘子 Niang Zi- This is a formal way of addressing one's wife.

[2] 唐中宗 Emperor Zhongzong- The fourth emperor of the Tang dynasty.

<Chapter 36                                                                                                                Chapter 38>

东宫 Eastern Palace: Chapter 36

This time I was prepared, rolling and crawling to escape, but he pulled my skirt, so I kicked him in the arm. Instead of defending, he grabbed my belt with one hand. A palace maid had helped me originally tie my belt in a double knot. Although it may seem complicated, it actually could be untied with one pull. He pulled off my belt with just a few moves. I thought he was going to tie me up again and I hurriedly pulled the belt as well. The thunder outside gathered; one by one the lightning struck the night sky, the wind blowing the windows open. All the curtains in the palace hall flew open. Suddenly he let go, I wanted to use all my strength to pull him with me but I fell back, and the back of my head hit the copper lion. It hurt so much that I couldn't move for a moment. Li Cheng Yin's face filled my entire view; he was fiercely glaring at me. I thought he was going to lift his hand to punch me, but he didn't. The thunder sounds outside were getting louder and louder. When the lightning sounded as if it was striking the roof, he suddenly lowered his head. I thought he was going to hit me, but he bit my lip instead.

His bite damaged my lips, but I was also biting his tongue, which caused him to bleed. He wouldn't let go of me, instead he sucked in a bloody breath. His voice was very fierce, his expression was ferocious, and he asked me in a demanding way: "Who is Gu Xiao Wu? Who is Gu Xiao Wu? Say it! Was it that assassin?!" Who is Gu Xiao Wu? I struggled desperately, punching and kicking, but he didn't care. All my kicks and punches were in vain, just pulling my own clothes recklessly. I finally cried, "Gu Xiao Wu is Gu Xiao Wu, one thousand times better than you! Ten thousand times better than you!" I was telling the truth, no one could compare to Gu Xiao Wu; he who had once killed the white-eyed wolf king for me, he who had once captured one hundred fireflies for me. I should have married him, but he died on the wedding day......I cried so loud that Li Cheng Yin seemed utterly outraged, as if he wanted to tear me apart into pieces, carrying some sort of bitter hatred. I have never experienced such a horrifying situation. I kept on crying, calling out Gu Xiao Wu to save me, save me......I knew in my heart that he would never come. Li Cheng Yin's eyes were bloodshot, just like the lone wolf I had encountered in the desert, so terrible and ferocious. He finally kissed my mouth, the salty teardrops rolling down to the corners of my mouth, each teardrop kissed away by him, each kiss was with great force, biting me very painfully. 'Shua la la' sounds could be heard from the outside. It was raining and after a flash of lightning, it started raining heavily. The raindrops hit the roof tiles so hard it was as if there was an army of thousands of soldiers marching with the wind. Only a rumbling sound of rain could be heard between heaven and earth.
　　
My eyes were swollen from all the crying. The rain stopped when the sun was about to rise. The sparse sound at the edges of the roof were the sound of raindrops and bells being blown by the wind. The palace was quiet like it was the grave. I cried so hard that I choked every now and then. Li Cheng Yin was looking at me from behind. He turned me around, bringing me into his embrace. I didn't want to see his face, so I stared at the bed. The pillow was wet from my tears, coldly sticking to my face. He gently pushed my wet hair from my neck, scorching lips that were as hot as burning iron, sticking on my neck.

I was trembling because I was crying, I could only hate but not kill him.

He said: "Xiao Feng, from now on I will be good to you, you should forget about that Gu Xiao Wu, okay? I......I actually really......really......" He said 'really' twice, but he didn't say anything afterwards.

Maybe it was because he has never been this soft-spoken and submissive before that I turned around abruptly. Because we were too close, he instinctively moved his head back, as if the look in my eyes could burn him.

I said to him: "I will never forget Gu Xiao Wu." I think that I will never forget the complexion on his face at this moment. There was no sign of colour in his complexion. He was originally pale, but the paleness had turned into the complexion of a sick person. He stared at me in a daze. I sneered with delight: "Gu Xiao Wu is twice as good as you, in fact he is ten thousand times better than you. You cannot be compared to him. You think if you mistreat me like this, then I would be willing to be with you? What's the big deal, I will just pretend that I was bitten by a dog." At that moment, the complexion on his face made me feel very happy, but after that I could feel a sense of extreme emptiness, and my heart also felt empty. There was a loss of expression in his eyes. His complexion became unbearable to look at. I thought that he would argue with me or even kick me out and not see me again, but he didn't say anything.

Everyone in the Eastern Palace knew what had happened yesterday night because I was injured; my wrists and ankles were bruised. Li Cheng Yin was not faring any better; the parts of his face that were not scratched, it was bitten by me. People in the palace could not help but whisper and Yong Niang felt very embarrassed. She helped me rub my bruises while saying: "Your Highness, you should be more gentle to his Highness." I didn't kill him with a knife, I was already gentle towards him. If it wasn't for my insufficient martial art skills, I would have really killed him. I had even thought of killing him while he was asleep, but he didn't give me that chance.

As Yong Niang was rubbing my hand, a palace maid ran inside in a panic. She told me Xiao Xue was gone.

Xiao Xue is very naughty. It would always slip out of the palace hall, so Yong Niang especially ordered a palace maid to watch it. Now that Xiao Xue was gone, the palace maid was flustered and rushed here to report to me.

Yong Niang sent several people to find it, but it could not be found. I wasn't thinking about Xiao Xue at all, I was only thinking about how I could avenge my Mother. Now I feel that killing Li Cheng Yin with one stab would be too straightforward and an easy death for him, because he has done so many evil things. I cannot let him die so easily. I have said this before, I will repay him with all the pain he has brought upon me, bit by bit, I will give it all back to him.

The next day was the Dragon Boat Festival[1]. As people in the Eastern Palace were collecting sweet flags[2], a palace maid suddenly saw a ball of white fur floating in the lake. After fishing it out, it turned out to be Xiao Xue.

It was drowned alive.

I felt very, very sad that any living thing in this place would suffer, even a kitten was unfortunate.

I think Li Cheng Yin knew about this matter because the next day he sent a kitten over.

It was the same kind of kitten, with white fur and a different coloured pair of eyes. I heard he had especially ordered someone to ask the envoy of Siam for it. I didn't look at the cat, but just sitting there dispirited, I didn't expect that the death of Xiao Xue would cause such a huge uproar.

Someone saw that it was Zhao Liang Di's palace maids who have thrown Xiao Xue into the lake. After hearing about it, Li Cheng Yin was very angry, wanting to beat those palace maids with a stick forty times. If that happens, the palace maids would naturally die. Yong Niang rushed over to tell me and I didn't want to care about it, but since it involves people's lives, I decided to head to the main palace hall.

As expected, the main palace hall was filled with murderous intent. Li Cheng Yin have already changed his clothes but he didn't go out. Several palace maids were kneeling at the corner of the palace hall, crying there. I just stepped into the palace hall, and without having the chance to say anything, an eunuch have announced Zhao Liang Di's arrival.

Zhao Liang Di apparently arrived in a hurry and looked very gloomy. As soon as she entered the door, she knelt down and pitifully said: "Your Highness, I am innocent.....The people around me have always followed the rules, they would not do anything like this. I am innocent...."She couldn't finish speaking, her tears had already fallen like rain.

Looking at her pitiful expression, I couldn't help but sigh, saying to Li Cheng Yin: "Forget it, it's not her fault." Although I am sad about Xiao Xue's death, people shouldn't be killed because of a kitten.
　
Li Cheng Yin harshly said: "Today you have harmed a kitten, tomorrow you will definitely harm people!" Zhao Liang Di was clearly angry after hearing this, suddenly lifting her head, her eyes were filled with tears: "How could Your Highness suspect that it was my doing?" I originally came to plead for the palace maids, but Zhao Liang Di wasn't grateful. She screamed, "It's you! Of course it's you! You've made this trap. You're so vicious! You got rid of  Xu Bao Lin, now you are trying to harm me!" Without me speaking, Li Chengyin shouted, "What nonsense are you saying?!" Zhao Liang Di wiped her tears, straightened her body: "I wasn't talking nonsense, Crown Princess made a witchcraft charm, and then framed Xu Bao Lin. Xu Bao Lin's palace maids were selected by Crown Princess, who instructed them to put the charm in her place. The witchcraft situation, Crown Princess didn't dare to investigate, with the intention to stir up trouble between Xu Bao Lin and I. Crown Princess's move was killing two birds with one stone, very vicious! Your Highness, Xu Bao Lin died in a strange way, her body was just weak, how could she suddenly die of illness? Someone must have killed her!" I'm so angry that I can't even talk, shouting: "Nonsense!" Zhao Liang Di lifted her head to look at me, although there were tear stains on her face, her eyes were strangely calm. She looked at me: "There are witnesses and evidence, Crown Princess, if you didn't try to frame me today, I would have covered the past for you.

But you are very cruel, killing Xu Bao Lin, and then trying to use a kitten to frame me, you are very vicious." I was angry: "What witness or evidence, if you are capable, then show it!" Zhao Liang Di said: "Bring it out." She turned around and then instructed someone, not long after, those people brought two palace maids here.

I didn't think the situation would become like this, Xu Bao Lin's two palace maids confessed that I had instructed them to put the wooden charm under Xu Bao Lin's bed. "Crown Princess said she wanted to frame Zhao Liang Di......If Zhao Liang Di could be cursed to death, she will treat Bao Lin well, convincing his Highness to give Bao Lin the title of Liang Di, and share the wealth......" "Crown Princess said that it doesn't matter if people find out, she can naturally make a decision for Bao Lin...."

Hearing the two palace maids' allegations, I suddenly felt cold from the bottom of my heart.

How long has Zhao Liang Di been preparing for this trap? How long ago did she start planning to bring me into this trap? I used to think that she just didn't like me and hated me. After all, I took the position of Crown Princess from her and I was in between her and Li Cheng Yin. I didn't expect she would hate me this much.

Zhao Liang Di knelt there and said: "Ever since I discovered that Crown Princess was involved in the witchcraft situation, I just thought she made a mistake, so I didn't dare say anything about it towards your Highness. Your Highness can testify for me that I didn't say anything bad about Crown Princess towards your Highness. I even persuaded your Highness to be more intimate towards Crown Princess, all this was my efforts. It wasn't until Xu Bao Lin's death that I became suspicious, but I had not received any orders, so I didn't dare to investigate. However I secretly guarded against her. I didn't expect that she would use a kitten to frame me, why would I harm a kitten? It's ridiculous, she is trying to infuriate your Highness with this tactic so that I will lose favor. Please be the judge and make the decision your Highness!"

Li Cheng Yin looked at the two palace maids kneeling on the ground and said, "If that's the case, I will also investigate Xu Bao Lin's matter, go get the medicine!"

An imperial doctor was called to examine the medicine Xu Bao Lin drank, which contained black-eyed beans. Xu Bao Lin's prescription have always contained ginseng and black-eyed beans. These things itself were not poisonous, but when combined together in medicine, the mixture would be slightly poisonous, and over time, it would make a person weak and then die. The palace maid in charge of boiling the medicine said that every time the imperial doctor finished writing the prescription, it was me, the Crown Princess who sent someone to pick up the medicine. The palace maid in charge of boiling the medicine did not know anything about medicine, she only cooked the medicine and then brought it to Xu Bao Lin to drink. Who knew the medicine would contained slow acting poison.

This was beyond arguable.

I am someone that acts on impulse, having fallen into a trap, even if I was given ten thousand mouths, I will not be able to make things clear.

I was so angry that I laughed sarcastically: "Why would I kill Xu Bao Lin? A piece of wood would be able to curse you to death? I am this stupid?"

Zhao Liang Di turned her face and said to Li Cheng Yin: "Your Highness......"

Li Cheng Yin suddenly smiled: "Woman with the most vicious heart in the world. Sure enough."

I looked at Li Cheng Yin. A moment later I asked him: "You believe her?"

Li Cheng Yin faintly said: "Why would I not believe?"

I suddenly felt relaxed: "Anyways I don't want to be the Crown Princess, just depose me."

Depose me, and I could go back to Western Liang. Li Cheng Yin faintly said: "You wish."



Notes:
[1] 端午节 Dragon Boat Festival- This festival is to commemorate the life and death of a famous scholar, Qu Yuan, who was a loyal minister to the King of Chu, but later was falsely accused of conspiracy. He drowned himself by attaching heavy stones on his body and then jump into the river. People then began the tradition of throwing sacrificial cooked food in the river to prevent the fishes from eating Qu Yuan's body. Today people would eat rice dumplings, drink realgar wine, and race dragon boats to celebrate this day.
[2] 菖蒲 Sweet flag- A type of plant that is grown in the wetlands, with grass-like leaves and greenish flower. Another name for it is Acorus Calamus. The picture above is an example of it.

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