东宫 Eastern Palace: Heavy Frost Made the Cold Ceramic Roof Tiles Seem Bright (Part 4)

I knelt there, listening to my own voice say: "Your Highness suspect that it was my doing?" 

This act was really ridiculous.
 

The loyal Lu Er Lang was killed on the streets. 

My father panicked, he used great amount of effort to be able to communicate with me again. 

My father still wanted to kill the Crown Princess. I coldly said: "If it is something that will displease the Crown Prince, don't try to do it again."

I felt that the Crown Prince was becoming more and more like the Emperor, they were the type of people that would maintain one's composure, but keeping everything to themselves. 

He was someone that will become the Emperor, how could he not be like his father?

My father was unwilling to give up, trying again one last time. As a result, he lost everything.

I was expelled from the Eastern Palace and confined in a secluded palace room.

I could probably guess what the situation was at home.

My father was beheaded for the crime of conspiracy. All males in the family who were over twelve years old were in trouble, twelve years old and under were exiled to a place thousands of miles away. As for the women, how could they not be affected when they are in the same family.

When it started to rain, I stretched out my fan to catch the raindrops, which dripped on the surface of the white silk fan, soaking the fan like tears.

A'Wu said: "Don't worry your ladyship, the Crown Prince is perhaps just angry at the moment. Besides, there is also the minister's support, so it is not something your ladyship should worry about. There will be bad times, but misfortunes could turn into blessings."

I felt too lazy to talk.

A'Wu didn't know the situation outside, my whole family was already destroyed.

When will there be bad times that turn into blessings, the best time of my life have already passed.

Fortunately, this lifetime will not be long, and the remaining days will not be difficult to pass.

The rain gradually became bigger, some of the rain drifted under the eaves and fell on the lapel of my clothes, dampening the clothes and sticking to the skin.

I lowered my head and saw the red mark on my chest, it was the burn from eating crabs with the Crown Princess. Although the injury has gotten better, but it left a red scar that resembled a flower.

What was I thinking at that time, the Crown Princess was really pitiful.

However I did not expect that I would become the most pitiful person.

The sound of the rain was getting louder, the loud sound of raindrops hitting the plantain leaves could be heard. I sat in front of the window, watching the sky finally darken.

The sky was dark.

Li Cheng Yin came during the night. I thought that I would never be able to see him again in this lifetime.

However he still came, he carried a scent of cold rain.

I looked at him with a bit of sadness.

He looked calm and sat down in front of a box.

He said: "I know that you wanted to see me."

I said: "Thank you, your Highness."

That being said, I was too lazy to rise from my seat and bow to him. I no longer cared about the etiquette and respectability.

A'Wu looked at me anxiously, I waved my hand to signal her to leave.

She was very anxious, repeatedly turning around to look at me.

I hardened my heart not to look at her, but just looked at Li Cheng Yin with a smile. A'Wu perhaps felt that the arrival of the Crown Prince was an opportunity for me to beg for forgiveness, so that I could return to the Eastern Palace.

The Eastern Palace seemed like a really remote and unfamiliar place.

The servants lifted the candles, all the candles were lit in the room. Being confined here for so many days, it seemed that it has never been so bright before.

Li Cheng Yin's face was still bright under the candlelight.

I suddenly thought of his birth mother, Consort Shu.

Within the harem, she was a woman that was like the bright moon.

What did she think about before she died?

Her son, or the favoritism she received that aroused the jealousy of the harem.

Or the huge secret that ultimately caused her death.

The servants served us food and wine. Just like the countless nights spent in the Eastern Palace, I sat opposite to him, eating the food together.

Tonight, the dishes were all my favorites.

It must be difficult for him to still be able to remember.

I held the chopsticks, ate a little, and then placed it down.
 

He asked: "You don't want to eat anymore?"

I shook my head.
 

The servants all left, the candlelight reflected on us. 

The shadows were reflected on the same spot, just like the intimacy we had before. 

I remembered many days of the past. After dinner, he would sometimes read a book, so I quietly snuggled beside him, watching the dark night outside the window, and the moon gradually rising. 

The moon was shining on the two of us, I lay quietly on his lap, it was so quiet at that time.
 

During spring when the apricot flowers beyond the curtains have blossomed, he would pick the flower and put it in my hair. During summer when I covered his face with lotus leaves, he would push them aside with a smile, using the lotus flower petals to make a fragrance for me. During autumn, we would enjoy the chrysanthemum flowers while eating crabs. When it snowed during the winter, the two of us would lean by the brazier while listening to the sound of falling snow outside the curtains. 

At that time, I wholeheartedly believed that the one in front of me was my beloved. Between heaven and earth, a pair of lovers that would never betray each other, and never forget each other for lifetimes. 

How stupid and crazy. 

Until now, I really woke up from this big dream, looking around at a loss. 

I suddenly smiled and said: "Your Highness was willing to come and see me, I'm afraid you wanted to ask about what happened to Consort Shu that year." 

After all, I know what the Zhao family has done that year. 

He faintly said: "That's not important anymore."

Yeah, that doesn't matter anymore. He has already taken revenge, no matter what the deposed Empress did, no matter what the Zhao family has done, it didn't matter anymore.

That situation in the past was just an excuse for him to kill the people he should kill, remove the forces that should be cleared, and sit firmly in the position of the Crown Prince until the future, when he could grasp the world with his hands.

I said: "Your Highness is really a cold-hearted person, I thought that your Highness have already cut off all emotions and desires. If I hadn't seen your Highness push the cat into the water with my own eyes, I would have thought that your Highness would not be this direct in showing your hatred."

He did not move despite my words, so what if he drowned Xiao Xue, besides the Crown Princess will never know.

But I know, however I will not tell her.

That stupid girl, let her live in her own stupidity.

I said: "Your Highness thought that killing the cat, she would not like General Pei anymore? If you like someone, you won't change just because you lost something."

The Crown Prince still did not say anything.

I smiled, but suddenly I felt completely disheartened.

"Your Highness has given me medicine for three years, just to prevent me from being pregnant. Your Highness is such a cold and indifferent person, but likes the Crown Princess so passionately?"

I had thought that you secretly ordered people to put medicine in my food to prevent me from being pregnant, deliberately hurting my feelings was just to protect me from being harmed by the Empress.

But it turns out that it was my own delusions.

The Crown Prince still did not say anything. Even though I had mentioned the Crown Princess, he still did not want to look at me.

I thought that there was no need to say more.

I asked him: "Is there any wine?"

I knew there was a wine bottle on top of the box, but I still asked him.

He was silent for a while, before he raised his hands and clapped.

Just like before when I was still in the Eastern Palace, the Crown Prince did not like too many people being around him. Every time he came, he would tell the rest of the people to leave. At that time, I felt very happy, it was only the two of us together.

Sometimes I would be thirsty in the middle of the night and wanted to drink a cup of water, he would clap his hand like that. When the servants outside the palace hall heard it, they would step forward and obey the orders.

At this very moment, I was still thinking of these irrelevant trivial matters.

The clapping sound echoed in the night, the sound of rain could be heard from outside the curtains. This summer rain, how can it be so long and sorrowful, like the autumn rain.

There were distant footsteps approaching.

Someone held a tray with the glass bottle of wine, a very fragrant wine.

That person respectfully placed the wine on the table, and then bowed before leaving.

From beginning to the end, he did not look at me.

I stretched out my hand to grab the bottle of wine, pouring myself a glass of wine.

My fingers were trembling slightly, but luckily the wine did not spill out.

I looked at the wine in my glass cup, it seemed like a good wine, the wine had an amber colour. The fine wine of Lanling had an aroma like tulips, the filled jade cup emitted an amber hue [1]. I raised my cup and drank the wine without hesitation.

The wine feels strong when it went down my throat.
 

I remembered a long, long time ago, when I first entered the Eastern Palace, the Crown Prince had ordered me to temporarily live in the Congyu hall, not far from the Lizheng hall where he lived. I actually liked this arrangement.
 

The Congyu hall was a good place to enjoy the rain. During a hot summer, a waterwheel was installed in the canal. When the summer was hot, the water would flow from the canal and poured on the roof tiles like a refreshing waterfall. 

What I liked most was the roof tiles on top of the Congyu Hall, each of the roof tiles was engraved with the pattern of mandarin ducks in pairs, cuddling each other. 

Each mandarin duck roof tile was washed with water from the canal, clean and spotless, like a black jade. 

What was I thinking at that time?

If the lord was the moon in the sky, then I would be the flower in the water [2].

To accompany each other, like a shadow.

But it turns out, the heavy frost made the cold ceramic roof tiles seem bright, under the cold green comfort, with whom could he spend the night [3]? 

The poison was slowly reacting, I could not see clearly anymore. I could no longer see his silhouette clearly, only seeing that he seemingly stood up, and then turned around to leave me. 

I know that in this life, I will never be able to see him again. 

This separation was long and painful. 

I was leaning on the table, blood was seeping through my nose and mouth, facing death was not sad, I felt relieved. 

There were three things that I actually wanted to say to the Crown Prince. 

I knew that he had killed the cat, but used this matter to force the Zhao family to deal with it. In the end, he expelled me from the Eastern Palace.

I knew that he have given me medicine for three years to prevent me from being pregnant, so when Xu Niang was pregnant, I was so angry that I made an unwise move. 

I knew that even so, I can't help but like him, just like a long time ago when it started. 

But the last thing, I was unable to say it out loud.

So let it be. 

The blood flowed faster, instantly soaking into my clothes. My eyes gradually couldn't see anything, I couldn't control my body, falling down and knocking the food box.

Suddenly, I thought of the Crown Princess. 

I don't know whether or not she has learned how to eat crabs yet. 

I don't know why I suddenly thought of her, perhaps because, when she heard that Xu Bao Lin had died, she was sad for a long time. I don't know if she would feel sad after I die. 

Within the Eastern Palace, if there was someone that would be sad for me, I am afraid it would be her. 

The sound of rain, I gradually could not hear it, the world finally became silent.

......................

Translator's Note: To be honest, I didn't have a good impression of Zhao Se Se when I read the main story, but when I read this side story I just pitied her. She is just like the discarded fan in the poem, she was cherished by Li Cheng Yin, but when she was no longer useful to him, he discarded/killed her. All she wanted was for that one person to love her, but was never able to receive his love.

On another note, if anyone wants to read this author's other novels, I recently found a blog that is translating two of her novels: Brittle and Siege in fog. You can click here to read it. That website has the link to the translations. It's not found on novel updates because the translator does not want aggregator sites to copy their translations, so don't link their translations on novel updates.

We will also be starting our next translation project very soon because we couldn't wait any longer. The majority voted Heartwarming Decade as our next translation project, so we will be translating that novel.

Notes:

[1] This verse is from a poem known as Journey to a Foreign Land, written by the famous poet, Li Bai. The full poem and interpretation of it can be found in this website: https://frommetertomeaning.wordpress.com

[2] This is the lyrics to a Chinese folk song called the round dance song, which describe a woman only wishing to stay forever by the lord's side, and for it to not be a short-lived moment that would disappear in a flash.

[3] This verse is from the poem, Song of Everlasting Regret. Full translation of the poem could be found in this website: http://www.musicated.com/syh/TangPoems/EverlastingRegret.htm

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